Random Notes from Patriots (Brady- and Gronkless) OTAs
You might be one of those people who aren’t into mid-May football workouts conducted in t-shirts and shorts. You might think the “O” in “OTAs” stands for “Optional.” Maybe the fact the Patriots opened their practice to the media for the first time of the 2018 season means nothing to you. But it does to me. As Tom Brady said last year, “Everything is important – the walkthroughs, the OTAs, minicamp, training camp.” Oh. Right.
Anyway, the Pats held an open practice and in my effort to put this offseason behind me and set my mental Google Maps to Super Bowl LIII, I was there. Here are my random observations:
–Like I said, the media took their shots at asking Belichick about the major absences and he would have none of it. Brady isn’t here? “I’m not going to talk about who’s not here. The players that are here … working hard … to improve. …” Gronk isn’t here? “… Nitwit. Blubber. Oddment. Tweak.” Then when asked about the rookies he pretty much said he wasn’t here to talk about them, either. Which pretty much left whether he likes Justify in the Belmont. Anyway, it’s comforting to know he’s in mid-season form.
–The first thing you noticed once the players made their way to the field is the “Fuck You” to the league in the form of giving the rookies totally random uniform numbers. This is obviously in response to the NFL sticking their corporate nose into how the Pats conduct their team building by banning the insidious and underhanded tradition of using practice jerseys without numbers. Because that, apparently, is the worst kind of cheating and totally unfair to whoever the Christ complained. So instead they’ve gone all passive/aggressive, giving UDFA running back Ralph Webb No. 68 and punter Corey Bojorquez No. 71. And none of them are listed on the roster the team gives you, adding a little bit more aggressiveness to the passivity. Though maybe it’s not all totally random. I give Doug Kyed of NESN credit for cracking the code on the team’s draft picks. They gave them all numbers in the 50s, by order they were drafted. So Isaiah Wynn (who’s hurt) would’ve been 50, Sony Michel is 51, Duke Dawson is 52, and so on. Which explains the bizarre sight of Danny Etling quarterbacking in a red No. 58 jersey. That was some real Benjamin Franklin Gatesing by a genuine football Journo.
–The Pats have two main candidates to replace Nate Solder at LT, Wynn and Trent Brown. Both are currently out after surgeries to repair torn labra. We probably have no reason to be concerned. But I say this just to let you know and to take any excuse I can to make up Latin plurals. Somewhere my writing professor who gave me an A on my thesis about publicly-financed stadia is firing up her vibrator.
–So without Brady, all the snaps in 11-on-11s, 7-on-7s and 5-on-0s went to Etling and Brian Hoyer. Plus they took turns catching passes, which hopefully won’t come in handy until after my Post-Traumatic wears off from the last time it was tried. They also worked on 3-step drops in front of a video camera. Suffice to say if Brady sees the tape he won’t come sprinting onto the field strapping up his helmet because he’s worried about his job. As one Pats reporter (who requested anonymity) put it, the best passer on the field was Nick Caserio.
–Your best hope as you’re looking to shake off the negativity of 2018 so far is seeing Julian Edelman looking 100 percent Julian Edelmany. Running well. Making precise cuts. Returning punts, even though I think we can all live without that. He alternated on fielding punts with WR Riley McCarron, whos’a longshot to make the roster. So someone else needs to emerge between now and September, because I think the one thing we didn’t miss last season was watching Minitron play on the Autobahn that is an NFL punt. It’s time they get a returner with half his ability but twice his dispensability.
–Belichick is in mid-season form in more than just his talent for staring down reporters. In one punt drill he pulled the old squirting-water-on-the-ball gag. He had Geneo Grissom and Danny Shelton run a lap for jumping offsides. Likewise Adam Butler for some infraction I didn’t see. But I did see his lap. It was hard not to since it lasted longer than Infinity War. Honest to God, if Butler ever moves that slow on real grass again he’s going to be reclaimed by Nature.
–Take if for what it’s worth, but Keion Crossen, the DB they took out of Western Carolina in the 7th round (and thus wearing No. 59) had a nice interception in the endzone, high-pointing a ball in coverage on James White. But it was thrown by one of the non-Brady QBs. So … yeah. [Cough. Clears throat] Moving on. …
–Just in terms of his physical appearance, eyeballing Sony Michel like that first time you see your Bumble date in person, he is a specimen. I’m still in semi-shock over the idea they took a running back in the first round, but he looks like he was bio-engineered to carry a football through groups of 11 men. Now I’m intrigued.
–Another first impression is that Braxton Berrios, the receiver from Miami (No. 55) looks smaller than I thought possible. He’s officially listed at 5-9. But so is McCarron. And McCarron could eat an apple off the top of Berrios’s head standing flat-footed. You’ve got between now and the final cuts to warm up all your cliches about the sizes of dogs and the measuring of hearts, Dan Fouts.
–The history of the Patriots picking up veteran defensive linemen is not good. I admit that. See Terrance Knighton and Kony Ealy. But I have hope for Danny Shelton. Even in a non-contact practice, he was repeatedly trucking offensive lineman. Hopefully it’s because he only has one speed. And unlike Potroast, it isn’t STOP.
–You know you’ve made it when one Pats writers asks why you’re not writing a teacher blog and another says, “Whatsup, Old Balls?”