Do I Need Glasses?

So I have imperfect eyes. My vision’s actually pretty good but that’s moot. I don’t care how my eyes see I care how they look and facts are facts they don’t look great. I actually have beautiful blue eyes they just don’t look in the same direction so all you shallow fuckers overlook that fact and focus on the negative. It’s sad really. But here we are so the question is what should I do about it?

Surgery? Maybe, but I’m not sure they can surgically just take your crooked eyes and straighten them and even if they can that would feel a bit like cheating. It’d feel like plastic surgery or like I was some insecure 45 year old raisin getting hair plugs and I’m just not a superficial guy. There’s a certain beauty in accepting and wearing who you are and who I am is Riggs with the eyes. Riggs without the eyes is a different animal — don’t know if you can trust that guy.

Glasses? See, with glasses I wouldn’t be wading into the waters of surgical correction. I’d simply be adding an accessory to enhance my situation and could play it off like I’m just trying to improve my vision.

And:

I’m getting glasses.

The theory is they’ll add a fun and fashionable element that allows me to manipulate my worst physical feature thus minimizing the negative effect my fucked up eyes have on my appearance. I do however believe this comes with a risk. What if instead of tweaking the appearance of my eyes, the glasses serve as a magnifying glass that highlights and exaggerates my situation when people look at my face? What if the glasses basically put a telescope focused solely on my eyes in the hands of everyone that meets me? Yikes.

I guess we’ll find out. What could possibly go wrong?