Spoiler Alert: New 'Super Smash Bros. Ultimate' Is Not A Porno For The Ladies

When I saw posts popping up about Super Smash Brothers, Ultimate, I was ecstatic. “Finally, something unique for the ladies on PornHub.” But I was wrong – it’s a video game, so I wasn’t sure if I should blog about it..

After all, am I the resident video game expert? No.
But are guys suckers for gals, who happen to be total smokes, who talk about video games? Yes.

So here I am delivering this news, snaggletooth all wet n’ slippery-like for ya.

The original Super Smash Bros., released in 1999, had a mashup of fighters from games like Mario, Zelda, Donkey Kong, Yoshi, Kirby, and Pokémon. It presented a cast of characters and locations from these franchises and allowed players to use each character’s unique skill sets and even take advantage of the stage’s offensive events to inflict damage, recover health, and ultimately attempt to knock opponent characters off the stage.

Come to think of it, I do remember the commercial..

though I was probably too busy quaffing my back-neck-bangs to actually play it.

According to IGN Entertainment,

Super Smash Bros. Ultimate will be released for the Nintendo Switch on Dec. 7th of this year. It will feature every playable character in franchise history, and will support Nintendo GameCube controllers. It also has a few brand new fighters, including the debut of Metroid villain Ridley.

All I know about the Nintendo Switch, is that when it was released right before the holidays in 2016, my life was in an extremely weird spot that found me making $7/hr working as a driver-helper for UPS, brown jumper & all. And when we’d hit the Gamestop, people would rush my truck door asking if we had any to deliver that day, and I had to scrounge up every bit of decency deep within my soul not to say,

“For the love of all that is holy, I genuinely do not know, nor do I care, I just want to be done here so I can sip Mamajuana rum in my basement.”

Heyyyyo!

Anyways, rough intro to the system, but I’m at the age now where it seems like something that could keep kids quiet & occupied on a Bolt Bus, so I’m cool with it. I hope everyone loves Super Smash Bros. Ultimate, and maybe someday when I’m hungover I’ll get to play it at my cousin’s house or something, where I will absolutely spend most of it picking out fun outfits for my fighters. A gal can dream.