35-Year-Old Seeking Puppy Is The WORST

Come on. This guy is at least 30 years old, and he is asking his mom how many retweets he needs to get in order to buy a puppy. I’d say this is worse than the other 30-year-old that was evicted by his parents. In the case of the latter, he was living with his parents because it was comfortable and cheap. In the case of Ryan Sesselman, he attained the tenth most retweeted tweet of all time just because he wants his mom to buy a puppy for him.

The fact that he got over ONE MILLION retweets proves how meaningless it is to go mega-viral. A retweet used to mean something; now almost anything involving a a vine reference, a dog, or a Spongebob meme  gets THOUSANDS of retweets.

This guy looks like he should be finishing up his application for tenure at a mid-major university. He should have a 401k and health benefits. Instead, he’s asking Twitter to help him get a puppy. If (for some unbelievable reason) Sesselman is at an appropriate age to be living at home, he must have a disease similar to Robin Williams in the 1996 movie ‘Jack’ that makes you age at 4 times the normal rate.

I would venture to say that this is a worse move than the chicken nugget kid. I love dogs and will do just about anything for my two dogs back home, but I would never ask for retweets to buy a puppy. I’m such a fan of dogs that I would never need to hit a certain benchmark on social media to buy one. If a puppy captivates me, I’ll buy that thing on the spot. Especially if I have discretionary income that this guy should have based off of these pictures. Chicken nugget kid was just goofin’ and his tweet happened to be picked up by Wendy’s. Random high school student stuff. Dog guy is craving attention more than he actually wants a dog.

I hope someone bought that dog before Sesselman got his one millionth retweet. Someone that doesn’t care about retweets and wants a dog would make a better dog owner than this schlep ever would.

Bottom line: You want a dog, you buy a dog. You want attention, you tweet about wanting a dog.