Politician Warns Russian Women Not to Have Sex with Foreigners During the World Cup

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SourceA Russian politician has warned Russian women not to have sex with foreign men during the World Cup. Instead, if a Russian woman feels as though she must have sex, she should have it with a member of “her own race.”

The comments … come from Tamara Pletnyova; the Russian politician who oversees that country’s Family, Women, and Children Affairs Committee in the lower house of parliament.

Speaking with a Moscow radio station, Pletnyova said that the World Cup presented a danger in that it could lead to a rise in the number of single mothers.

“These children suffer and have suffered, even since Soviet times,” she told Govorit Moskva.

The prospect of a child being fathered by a foreigner poses even greater dangers, according to Pletnyova.

“If it’s another race, then it’s even worse,” Pletnyova continued. “We should give birth to our own children. I’m not a nationalist, but nonetheless. I know that the children suffer as well, and then they are abandoned and stay here with the mother. … I would like people to get married based on love in our country, regardless of which ethnicity, [to] Russian citizens who would build a good family, live in harmony, have children, and raise them.”

Slow your roll, Tamara Pletnyova. Just hold your wad there, Russian parliament’s Family, Women, and Children Affairs Committee. If you’re going to discourage your women from having sex with World Cup visitors, when what exactly is the point of offering to host the games? I mean, what is everyone flying into your country for if not to bone your attractive female population? To watch soccer? To see who wins the tournament? Yeah, you keep telling yourself that.

Major international sporting events are about one thing and one thing only. International sporting sex. Period. It’s all about the D. Hell what is the World Cup itself if not just a big, gold dong?

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They didn’t even make an attempt to design it in cup shape. So don’t invite the world to your door and then tell your womenfolk it’s about something other than riding all manners of diverse, multicultural wang.

And can we talk frankly about Russia for a second? Not to sound xenophobic, because I’m not the least bit afraid of xenos, but it’s not like the place has much more to offer than sexually desirable women. They’ve surpassed vodka and hackers as the nation’s No. 1 export. I know this for a fact. Because every time I open up my AOL account I have a half dozen emails saying they want to meet me. So don’t deny all your guests that same opportunity.

On one level, I get it. You people of the FWCA Committee don’t want the soccer-loving world to head home in a month and leave you with millions of different colored, fatherless babies. But you mean to tell me you ran through all the alternatives and the solution you came up with is abstinence? That’s all you got. That might be easy for a middle aged bureaucrat who looks like Mrs. Costanza in a Sideshow Bob wig. But it’s not going to fly for the young ladies who look like they belong under the “Russian” category on PornHub but instead are stuck living in a Chekov play and need some fun in their lives.

Lay off them. Let them enjoy themselves with some international strange like you did when the Olympics were in Socci. There they gave out so many condoms they could’ve done the Giant Slalom down a mountain of used, jizzy rubbers. Or let you females give out safe, responsible BJs. Or just pull out. Any soccer fan who’s seen the best players in the world flop ought to know how to do that. But the bottom line is don’t invite the world to come your homeland and tell them they can’t get laid. You can’t get an international competition off the ground that way.