Friday Homestretch/AFTP

Well… Last day of the first half.  That went quick.  Seems like just yesterday I was getting fucked on my year-end bonus.

Looks like YTD the NASDAQ is up 8%, S&P up 2%, and Dow was lower by 2%… Will be closer to flat on the year if the Dow can hold on to today’s strong gains as funds mark up positions into the close.

Read an article on how the overall market closes higher on the first trading day in July 85% of the time.  This year, that’ll be Monday, July 2nd.  I seem to remember that first trading day in July being absolutely dead, as everyone with money (not me) was in the Hamptons.

I did Barstool Breakfast this morning with former NFL offensive lineman Willie Colon. No matter how old I get, or how confident I am, big black guys still terrify me.  The show went well, and Willie and I got along swimmingly, but I couldn’t help but think that any second he would reach across the table and beat the shit out of me… Just because he could.

I cant get off this southern kick after spending just a week in Tennessee and then posting a recap blog this morning.  So this week’s Ass From The Past (AFTP) is Daisy Duke.

Originally played by Catherine Bach… Who might not be a 10 by today’s standards, but she was the shit back in the day, AND she was the fashion pioneer responsible for those cut jean shorts girls clamor to wear, and guys clamor to walk behind.

Catherine Bach’s sister, Barbara Bach, is a former Bond girl best known for being married to Ringo Starr.

Johann Sebastian Bach was a composer and musician of the Baroque period. Toccatta and Fugue in D minor is what the kids nowadays call a “banger.”

Sebastian Bach was the lead singer of hair-band Skid Row in the late 80’s… His penis was/is so long, he once tied it in a knot while being interviewed by Howard Stern.

Back to Daisy.

As was the case with Wonder Woman (another AFTP), Catherine’s character was eventually replaced in remakes by hotter actresses.

Jessica Simpson played her in the 2005 movie, while she was at her most Jessica Simpsonest…

I believe now, she looks more like OJ Simpson.

And then April Scot donned the cut shorts in 2007’s prequel, Dukes of Hazard: The Beginning…

And this weekend I plan to dust them off…

Remember last year when one of the original Duke boys got busted for cocaine possession, AND for molesting 2 of his Broadway co-stars?…  One was 16 years old? Apparently Luke Duke is still making his way, the only way he knows how. Unfortunately for him, that’s just a little bit more than the law will allow.

Good weekend.

Take many reports.

-Large