Wisconsin Woman Makes An All-Time Bonehead Move Right Before Our Very Eyes

This bicyclist got the chance to live out everyone’s childhood dream: spanning the gap of a drawbridge in an incredible race against the clock. Instead, she took a tumble for the ages, landing her in an extremely precarious situation. It appears as though she was missing one key element in her approach: speed. Once she doinked off the gate like a football that hits an upright but still manages to go through, she should have abandoned her mission. Instead, she lumbered on at a pace that Albert Haynesworth would consider leisurely. However, with the right quad-to-total-mass ratio, ascending the bridge is still possible.

Then, this Wisconsin woman goes ahead and does the dumbest thing I have ever seen.

She turns. And approaches at an angle. All-time idiotic move right here. The only hope for her was to go straight at the bridge, hope her tires can span the gap, and pray that her will to pedal exceeds the bridge’s will to point skyward. With this diagonal approach, the only possible result was for her to faceplant on the bridge and get trapped in the crevice.

Had these two good samaritans not been present, this woman would’ve had to be peeled off of the pavement. The bike is on top of her, and the bridge starts to go back down. It was seriously a possibility that the bridge was going to smash her, leaving her intestines strewn about this quaint Wisconsin town’s street. Instead, these bystanders sprung into action, lifting up the bike and saving her from impending doom. Maybe they’re on the street cleaning crew and don’t feel like scraping up dead body parts from the street, or maybe they felt like getting some good karma. Either way, this woman is alive thanks to them.

Oh, what could’ve been.