New York Governor Hopeful Cynthia Nixon Pretty Much Lost Any Chance Of Getting Elected After Ordering A Cinnamon Raisin Bagel With Cream Cheese, Lox, And Capers

Gothamist- On Sunday, Cynthia Nixon became the latest aspiring office-holder to briefly lose her mind while attempting to eat on the campaign trail, when she ordered—in public and on purpose—a cinnamon raisin bagel with lox from Zabar’s on the Upper West Side. She didn’t stop there, but went on to request red onions, capers, tomato, and plain cream cheese to the mess. Again, this was on a *shudders* cinnamon raisin bagel.

Can you please excuse me for a second?

We can all agree that Cynthia Nixon is throwing the election, right? Because there is nooooo way any sane person running for public office in New York would put together the unholy combination of a cinnamon raisin bagel with fish and capers while being filmed. You can pull out your weird ass, maybe precrime level guilty pleasure food alone with your best friend when you are hung over as fuck and nobody is watching. But cannot do that when you are trying to become governor of New York. On the morning of Rosh Hashanah no less!

How am I supposed to trust Cynthia Nixon to fix this fucked up state when she can’t even order a bagel like a normal person. You gotta stick to the basics when the cameras are on you. Order a plain, sesame, poppy, or everything with whatever topping you would like or if you want to get the Fat Vote, a bacon, egg, and cheese. If you are fiending a cinnamon raisin bagel, keep it simple by toasting it and throwing some butter on top before shaking some hands, kissing some babies, and going back to the campaign trail. After overcoming being That Girl From Sex And The City and giving Governor Cuomo a real opponent, Cynthia Nixon blew it all for a weirdo bagel order, which is such a Miranda move (I always wanted to say that but have no clue what it means or if it’s true).

By the sound of it, Cynthia’s campaign manager knew her candidate was fucked the minute the order left her lips.

“That’s what I want—a full load,” she declared at the counter, as veteran campaign manager Rebecca Katz tried, with good reason, to dissuade us from filming the harrowing scene.

No offense to Rebecca Katz, but this one is on her. She should have jumped in front of that order or smashed the camera the minute Nixon created the unholy marriage of lox, capers, and a cinnamon raisin bagel. If Portnoy ever ran for Governor of New York, there is no way Weird Haircut Seth would let him order a pineapple pizza because that’s how you lose an election instantly.

The lesson as always is to Just Be Normal.