Woman Writes The Book "How To Murder Your Husband" - Promptly Arrested For Murdering Her Husband.

WASHINGTON POST - Nancy Crampton Brophy seemed to have a knack for writing about the murder of spouses.

The Portland, Ore.-based romance novelist wrote books about relationships that were “wrong” but “never felt so right,” often featuring bare-chested men on the cover. In “The Wrong Cop,” she wrote about a woman who “spent every day of her marriage fantasizing about killing” her husband.

In “The Wrong Husband,” a woman tried to flee an abusive husband by faking her death.

And in “How to Murder Your Husband” — an essay — Crampton Brophy wrote about how to get away with it.

Crampton Brophy, 68, was arrested Sept. 5 on charges of murdering her husband with a gun and unlawful use of a weapon in the death of her husband, Daniel Brophy, according to the Portland Police Bureau. She was arraigned Thursday, appearing in blue inmate clothing, and ordered jailed without bail, court records show. She has not filed a plea, and her attorney declined to comment when contacted by The Post.

They say write what you know.  That’s why I wrote about pooping in bathrooms yesterday.  I mean it’s the first thing they teach you as an English major.  Well actually no the first thing they teach you is that you’ll never get a real job.  But the second thing they teach you is, while wasting away your parents’ tuition money in pre-1800 Brit Lit and Creative Writing classes, go with what you know best.  Our bloggers do it on Barstool.  Columnists across the globe do it in their newspapers.  Romance novelists do it with their best selling books.

She wrote the post on the blog “See Jane Publish” in November 2011, describing five core motives and a number of murder weapons from which she would choose if her character were to kill a husband in a romance novel. She advised against hiring a hit man to do the dirty work — “an amazing number of hit men rat you out to the police” — and against hiring a lover. “Never a good idea.” Poison was not advised either, because it’s traceable. “Who wants to hang out with a sick husband?” she wrote.

“After all,” Crampton Brophy wrote in the post, which was made private after inquiries from The Washington Post to the site’s administrators, “if the murder is supposed to set me free, I certainly don’t want to spend any time in jail.”

In real life, she appeared to follow some of her own advice, at least according to police. Rather than hire a hit man, she allegedly pulled the trigger herself.

I mean it’s just a classic no-win scenario for a writer especially with critics these days.  Imagine the reviews she would have gotten if the book sucked?  “Nancy Brophy writes dry, boring murder scenes out of touch with current day murder.”  “Brophy’s characters are one-dimensional and their motives are not fleshed out.”  “Nancy is out of her depth trying to write about a murder fantasy in which she obviously has no real life experience outside of watching CSI reruns.”

All these people want is authenticity.  You literally cannot get more authentic than writing about murdering your husband and being a woman who murdered her husband.

Acclaimed Chinese novelist Liu Yongbiao knows what I’m talking about.  My dude won awards and trophies for his books about killing people.  His secret?  Killing people.   It’s like Daniel Day Lewis’s method acting, or journalists that embed themselves in war zones to actually experience it up close and personal.  You insert yourself for the realness.  Nancy Brophy inserted her gun into her husband’s mouth for the realness.

The author provides several possibilities in her 700-word essay, which was published on the website See Jane Publish on Nov. 4, 2011.

Among them: infidelity, an abusive relationship, greed.

“Divorce is expensive, and do you really want to split your possessions?” she wrote under the section on financial motives.

The author, whose self-published works include the title “The Wrong Husband,” also offers a list of options to carry out the killing. Guns. Knives. Poison. Hitmen.

“I find it is easier to wish people dead than to actually kill them. I don’t want to worry about blood and brains splattered on my walls. And really, I’m not good at remembering lies.

“But the thing I know about murder is that every one of us have it in him/her when pushed far enough.”

PS,

Judge during sentencing:  Prosecutor, is there any reason you think this was just a one time passion thing and she should be out in like 7-8 years with good behavior?”

Prosecutor, flips open pages:

While her romance novels had happy endings, her 2011 essay seemed to ponder a darker outcome.

“What if killing didn’t produce the right results?” Crampton Brophy wrote. “Would they do it again? Could they do it again? What if they liked it?”

Judge: Welp that’ll do it!