If You Need $300, You Can Get It By Sitting In A Coffin At Six Flags St. Louis For 30 HOURS Straight

USA TODAY- Could you stay in a coffin for 30 hours straight? Six Flags St. Louis is offering folks the chance to find out – and to win $300, other prizes and, oh, the coffin. Six people will be chosen to spend 30 hours in a “slightly used” 2-foot-by-7-foot coffin, from 1 p.m. on Saturday, Oct. 13, to 7 p.m. on Sunday, Oct. 14.

The winner will receive $300, two 2019 Gold season passes, a Fright Fest prize package and the coffin will be theirs to keep.

Congratulations to Six Flags St. Louis on their upcoming Homeless Day promotion! I know this is all supposed to be a contest to promote whatever spoooooooky, scary Halloween theme park they are setting up in the midwest. But offering $300 for a cool 30 hours in a coffin will only bring the truly poor and desperate people in the St. Louis area. I bet Tyron Biggums is laying outside the gates right now, waiting for a chance to get some cash and season passes to a place with running water.

We talk all the time about how stupid it is to wait on lines for hours to have the chance to buy something. But willingly throwing yourself in a fucking coffin for 30 hours to win $300 is next level dumb. That’s $10 an hour to lay in a box. $300 doesn’t even cover the psychiatrist bills that come with being thrown in a coffin for 30 seconds let along 30 hours will cover. There’s a reason The Undertaker would only challenge his opponents to a casket match after the feud reached a boiling point.

Then again, since this is 2018 and the world has gone soft, this little promotion isn’t as tough as it seems.

Participants will be allowed one, six-minute bathroom break per hour. Meals, snacks and drinks will be provided, as will phone charging stations – all in the coffin. Fright Fest freaks will pop by throughout the night. Anyone who gets out of their coffin for any reason other than a bathroom break will be eliminated from the contest.

Meals, snacks, bathroom breaks, AND phone charging stations in a 2′ x 7′ coffin? Suddenly that’s not such a bad way to pass the time. You have to pay like $1500/month for that exact setup in New York City. Streaming football while eating some fried dough and getting paid to do it is as good as it gets in America, right?

If more than one person remains after 30 hours, there will be a random drawing to determine who wins the $300, while all remaining contestants will receive season passes and Fright Fest prize packages.

Okay, now I am all in on this promotion. The thought of multiple people spending their entire weekends in a coffin to make $300 only to lose the cash after someone else’s name is picked out of the hat is perfect. I need that drawing live streamed just to see the reactions in real time.

*Rereads last sentence*

Shit, working at and reading Barstool has really destroyed my soul