The Last Cosby Show
I believe people already commented on the Cosby verdict earlier, but since Bill and I are much closer in age, I might as well throw in my two cents™ also.
Plus, stuff like this is good material for that post-dinner dump.
The knee-jerk reaction to his sentence of 3-10 years was that it just wasn’t enough. This evil cocksucker deserves to be buried under the prison TONIGHT, so the idea that the low end of the sentence may give Bill the opportunity to leave that prison NOT inside of a pine box is somewhat disheartening.
He’s 81, so even with his exaggerated health problems, 84 is not so much of a stretch to think Coz will be able to someday eat a cheesesteak on the outside, maybe at a Temple game in 2021 before he passes away comfortably in his sleep later that night.
Whereas we would all rather him either rot away in a cell, or get raped to death by a fellow inmate with a very specific set of turn-ons (old, black men, almost blind, very famous, terrible breath, affinity for pudding, closet full of sweaters).
But I am starting to get more comfortable with the sentence because I realize just getting this old sonofabitch into prison is a victory… And I think the judge’s sentence and actions throughout the trial have ultimately made the punishment bullet-proof to appeal.
A 30 year sentence, or the testimony from the 50 plus other women Bill allegedly raped would’ve conveyed that these proceedings were tainted by the well publicized stories of Cosby’s other victims. Instead, this court only called upon 5 other women to corroborate that he was a serial sexual predator, and the seemingly light sentence is one that can’t be argued. Hopefully he serves the high end of the sentence (10 years), which sis more than enough to ensure he dies on a hard cot.
So, although I would’ve loved to have heard something much more harsh, I think the sentence we got will stick. And Judge Steven O’Neill calling Bill a “sexually violent predator” in his final remarks lent itself to the obvious and immediate denial of any bail… The clothes that Cosby wore to the courthouse today are the clothes that are going into that generic manilla envelope that will be waiting for him when his parole is approved.
Cosby’s representatives immediately played the race card following the sentencing, decrying the trial a “sex war” and then referencing Jesus.
Andrew Wyatt, Cosby’s publicist, said, “I believe it is important to point out that this has been the most racist and sexist trial in the history of the United States.” He also claimed that the women who testified were, “white women who make money off of accusing black men of being sexual predators.”
This asshole then went on to say, “Cosby knows that these allegations are lies. They persecuted Jesus and look what happened. We know what this country has done to black men for centuries.” Which I found especially infuriating because I never knew this country fucked over Jesus, AND I never knew that Jesus was black… Now I feel bad about some of the unsavory racial comments I made in the past.
Forgive me (black) Lord.
I tried to explain to my kids why this trial was such a big deal to me, but I was unable to come up with a modern day version of Bill Cosby. Television is so diluted now, that not one family show is considered to be truly iconic.
Phil Dunphy is a popular dad on Modern Family, but I don’t even know his real name. And everyone loves that midget from Game of Thrones, but he’s always seemed kind of rape-y, if we’re being honest.
Closest example would be hearing 20 years from now that The Rock was drugging and assaulting dozens of broads while he was wrestling… But we all know that won’t happen.
Which makes today’s announcement the final chapter to a story we may never see again. So, although the sentence may seem light, let’s all pray that Cosby still receives 2 things- 1) slippery soap, and 2) a slow death.
Fuck you, Bill… Take a report.
-Large