BREAKING: Alexis Ren Has RETIRED From Bubblegum And Has Moved On To DOMINATING The Lollipop Game

[Editor’s Note: This is solely a Clickbate Smits production. All about the content, pageviews, and jokes!]

Alexis!!! Some birds aren’t meant to be caged, their feathers are just too bright! One minute she goes from the top of her field in the Bubblegum market, and the next she goes HAYWIRE straight into the lollipop game! What a competitor!!! Not since Jordan retiring from the NBA to attempt to conquer the world of baseball have we seen a move like this! The only question now is what’s Alexis gonna do when she corners the lollipop racket? What can she seductively put in her mouth for the IG masses next? Bananas? Popsicles? Phalluses? Who knows! In fact, who cares! As long as Alexis keeps on postin’, we’re gonna keep on clickin’!

Lest not forget, Lana Rhoades forced Alexis into retirement from the Bubblegum game. All Hail The Sole Queen Of Bubbles On Instagram:

Oh well! Keep on fighting the good fight, Alexis! Not for you, but for in the name of PAGEVIEWS! We need those cheap stats so we can hold it over the head of every blogger below me in the weekly Pageview rankings!