They Are Piercing The Shit Out Of Their Cheeks At A Festival In Thailand

PHUKET (AFP) – As burning incense fills the air, devotees in trances force skewers and swords through their cheeks in ritualistic acts underpinning southern Thailand’s colourful – and seemingly painful – vegetarian festival.

The Taoist “Nine Emperor Gods” event held on the holiday island of Phuket began on Oct 9 and coincides with observances of Chinese communities across the region who refrain from meat and other indulgences such as drinking and gambling.

Participants on the island – which has a sizeable Chinese population – go above and beyond, piercing cheeks and tongues with an assortment of blades, spikes, skewers and other, more exotic items – including petrol pumps.

I love shit like this. I wanna meet the people who started it. You know it started as a normal vegetarian festival and then people stopped going because how amped can you really be for some carrots and radishes.

“What are you bringing to the festival to share, Brian?”

“Oh. Cauliflower steak.”

“That shit aint steak, bitch! You boring boy! Do something exciting! I’m sick of just veggies! I aint going!”

“Will you go if I pierce my face with the muffler off of a van?”

“Yes.”

Next thing you know, people have yarn and what have you streaming from their face like theyre a goddamn kitten all because people tried to pass off finely chopped cauliflower as rice. Get outta ma face with cauliflower rice.

Side note: I wanna be on the record as saying that I respect the religion and would never make fun of a religion that encourages you to stick wrenches and lamps through your face. It all makes perfect sense when you sit and think about it. Namaste.