Here Are The Top 5 Goals From The NHL Over The Weekend (10/19-21)
There’s nothing better than waking up on a Monday morning when football season is finally over. You know that you have an entire week dedicated solely to hockey coming up here. No more need to watch any of that crap on Sundays. Up 17-0 heading into the 4th quarter at home and still give up 21 unanswered points to blow the lead? Couldn’t be my favorite team. But luckily football season is over and now we can just focus on the good ol’ NHL from here on out. So to celebrate this joyous occasion, let’s take a look at the 5 best goals from the National Hockey League this past weekend.
5. Burnzie Scores His First Of The Season Before Erik Karlsson. Whoms Mans Is The Sharks?
When Erik Karlsson was traded to the San Jose Sharks, everybody just expected that blueline to start setting some records. I feel like most people were anticipating the Sharks blueline to have more points this year than the entire Arizona Coyotes. And while that is still very much a real possibility, it still took a couple of weeks before one of those guys tucked one in the back of the net. So in a race between Brent Burns, Erik Karlsson, Marc-Edourd Vlasic and I guess kind of Justin Braun, Burnzie was the first to light the lamp. And it was just as greasy as you’d imagine.
He wins the battle along the boards because he’s not gonna let some hipster little bitch from Brooklyn out-work him along the wall. And then it’s Burns just flopping that wrench out of his pants and taking it to the rack like a savage. Nice little drag to the backhand, great puck protection, puts it up and over the pads and now it is officially confirmed that the San Jose Sharks blueline still belongs to Brent Burns.
4. Patrick Kane All Alone Is Auto….Nevermind
I always feel bad when I write these blogs because it’s constantly goalies getting shit on and shelled to death. Not that I care about goalies’ emotions at all. You’re all a bunch of freaks for all I’m concerned. But every once in a while, I’ll still gladly throw some love over to the tendies. Especially when it’s Louis Domingue robbing the shit out of Patrick Kane. Showtime? No no no. Show stopper. Welcome to Louis’ house, Patrick. Hope you enjoy your stay. Breakfast will be served from 6:30-9:30am.
3. Nikita Kucherov With A Backhand So Fierce You’d Think He’s A Pimp (Not That I Would Ever Condone Such An Occupation)
There were a lot of great games this weekend so I hate going with back-to-back highlights from the same one. With that being said, I’ve been on a real big backhand kick lately. I don’t know what it is about them but they’ve been my favorite goals of the season so far. So going top bunk glove side on the backhand? Yeah that’s gonna get my blood flowing on a Monday morning. And now this is just another weapon added to Kucherov’s arsenal. He’ll murder you with a classic snipe. He’ll murder you with the “no shot”. And now he’ll murder you with his backhand. This week’s Certified Lethal Son Of A Bitch Award goes to Nikita Kucherov.
2. Bo Knows… How To Put The Dagger In The B’s
Poor, poor Brandon Carlo. You hate to see it. You really do. You’d think the kid would get a little help out there considering he was out on the ice with Patrice Bergeron and Brad Marchand. You think those guys would offer any sort of help to Carlo as he was tasked with trying to defend Brock Boeser and Bo Horvat on a 2v1. But they were nowhere to be found. By the time the puck is in the back of the net, neither of them were even in the frame yet. So Carlo has to go up against these 2 beauts all on his own, and they threw him in a blender. Boeser could have easily just sniped there for the win and it would have been easier on Carlo. Boeser could have let that one fly, it would go bar south and the game would be over. But instead, he decides to torture the poor kid a little more, sneak in that last pass back to Horvat and then it’s a silky little finish FTW. It’s so rude that I think these guys need to call up the Bruins and apologize for their heinous actions.
1. Greatest Hockey Player In The World Zac Rinaldo Nets His First As A Predator (The Nashville Kind Of Predator, Not Just A Predator In General)
Listen up, bitches. I made a promise not only to myself, but also to the entire world when I started writing these blogs. And that promise was if Zac Rinaldo ever scores a goal of any variety, he will always get the #1 goal of the night in my very humble–yet expert–opinion. Could be an empty netter. Could be a shot that deflects off his ass. Or it could be an absolute snipe like this one from Friday night. If Zac Rinaldo scores, he’s the #1 goal. Plain and simple. That’s all there is to it. If you don’t like it? Well then you can just fuck off and start writing your own Top 5 Goals blogs. But just know that if you can’t appreciate a Zac Rinaldo snipe for what it is, then maybe you should stick to Reags and Greenie blogs because you don’t deserve to be a hockey fan.