The Knicks Just Went Next Level With Their Kevin Durant Recruiting By Having KD-Favorite Ashanti Perform The National Anthem And Halftime Show During Tonight's Warriors Game

Holy shit, are the Knicks actually being a smart, competent franchise with this whole Kevin Durant recruiting process? While checker playing idiot fans are bashing KD over the head with that gigantic billboard across the street from MSG after he clearly said he didn’t want to be pandered to, the Knicks are playing chess with a much more subtler route by having his beloved Ashanti do the anthem AND the halftime show. Oh, “Movies” was his favorite song and probably makes him feel warm and fuzzy inside like all of our old favorite songs do? You don’t say! True subliminal marketing shit. I admit that the mere though of the Knicks going from the bumbling fool of the NBA to a calculating killer seems extreeeeemely unlikely, but we could be watching (23 YEAR OLD SPOILER) Verbal Kint become Keyser Soze all over again.

This may be excessive, but I say why stop at the anthem and halftime show? Throw the fans and whatever players stick around a free Ashanti postgame concert. Bring in Ja Rule to play nothing but the hits, nothing but the hits, nothing but the motherfucking hits.

And of course play “Movies”. Not as the opener or the encore. But right smack in the middle of the set list where it’s definitely not obvious at all that we are pandering. I didn’t even know this song existed this morning but it is now the official anthem of the Knicks until further notice.

Also to any Knicks fans going tonight, be cool and don’t do anything stupid that can ruin this for us. In fact, I may delete this blog in a few hours just because we have evidence that KD does know of the blogger boys here at Barstool and I don’t want to take a chance he finds out Ashanti could be a honeypot trap set for him. But I still need some pageviews to keep up with Clickbait Smits.

But again, nobody screw this up tonight since it may be our only chance to impress KD in person. If you own a bar or a club, please try to book JD & The Straight Shot to play from 7-10 tonight to ensure our shitty owner doesn’t do anything dumb in MSG. Other than that, I think we should be gucci.

Shit.