A 69-Year-Old Dutch Man Is Trying To Legally Change His Age To 49 To Get More Jobs And More Puss On Tinder
Sky News- A 69-year-old pensioner who says he has the body of a 45-year-old is taking action to legally change his age to improve his job prospects and luck with women on Tinder.
He argues if transgender people are legally allowed to change their sex then he should be allowed to change his age.
He said: “When I’m 69, I am limited. If I’m 49, then I can buy a new house, drive a different car. I can take up more work.
“When I’m on Tinder and it says I’m 69, I don’t get an answer. When I’m 49, with the face I have, I will be in a luxurious position.”
Yes, you can change your gender, you can change your name. But you can’t change the fact that your testicles are at your knees. Once the scrotal elasticity is gone, there’s no reeling ‘em back in. That’s why old men never cross their legs. Need that direct, untangled blood line down to the marbles in your yellowed half-calf socks.
Anyone north of 30 wants to be younger. Look at Dave. He invested tens of thousands of dollars on a new wardrobe, a new roof for his scalp, and some magical weight loss formula. He also generously rescued an at-risk youth as she chased her dreams on bicycles that don’t move. In doing so, he became a bankrupt Benjamin Button, living life as backwards as his knees. What man or court would dare tell Dave he’s a day over 21? Not I.
But here’s the reason we can’t allow it: every 40-year-old pedophile would immediately change their age to 17, thus placing them back in the legal dating pool in which they long to swim. And they’re a dangerous bunch. Even when the lifeguard is minutes away from blowing the whistle for “adult swim,” those pesky predators will duck the lane lines and wade into games of marco-polo, get tagged on purpose, and then corner giggling targets in the shallows, breaking the rules and opening their eyes underwater for well-placed tags.
Emile is not necessarily wrong though. That face is pretty good. Looks like a scholarly Pierce Brosnan. And his facial hair is immaculate. Perfectly groomed to add a slight tickle to anyone taking a seat. Of all the candidates we’ve seen for age-reassignment hearings, he’s up there with the most deserving. But Emile… if you want to buy a new house or car, go for it man. You don’t need to be 20 years younger to pull that shit off. Rack up that debt baby. Despite how you may feel, you don’t have that much time left.