Last Night's Teen Jeopardy Intros Got Extra Spicy

Inject that Jeopardy opening into my veins! God I love Teen Jeopardy. The easier questions mean I have a chance to answer some correctly and feel smart not dumb and little nuggets like The Thinker dabbing on the world brings a special charm to my TV every night for one week out of the year.

And of course seeing Jeopardy contestants, 90% of which are already awkward af because it takes a special kind of person to make it on Jeopardy, go on TV as awkward teenagers is always good for some A+ entertainment.

However, that was not the case here. Those kids brought the fucking thunder. Or at least they tried.

Claire Sattler did her job as the starter.

Nothing great or extraordinar. But a very workmanlike 6 IP, 3 ER. A quality start in any book.

Downtown Timmy Cho almost set my TV fire with an electrical storm of moves and a closer performance on par with anything Mo Rivera ever did in pinstripes.

DON’T HURT’EM TIMMY!!!

But on the night Jacob deGrom won the Cy Young, everything fittingly fell apart in middle relief with Autumn Shelton

You GOTTA give me more effort than that, Autumn. I know everyone on that stage is your enemy and you may not have swagger dripping out of your ears like Timmy. But don’t lollygag your way through that intro and make all three of you look bad. I should never hear the Price Is Right fail horn play in my head during a game of Jeopardy, but that’s exactly what I heard during that weak ass whip.

Again, I’m not asking everyone to get on stage and sing kumbaya before entering a trivia version of the Hunger Games. But don’t come up criminally short when you are involved in a group project, regardless of if its a school presentation or a dance off on Jeopardy. Maybe if Autumn brought even a C+ level of energy, the Jeopardy Gods would have smiled upon her and a few breaks would have gone her way.

You hate to see it.

The best of all this however is that we have an excuse to rewatch the GOAT Jeopardy intro, the basketball dance off, which comfortably remains atop the iron throne of Jeopardy intros.