The Japanese Minister Of Cybersecurity Admitted That He Has Never Used A Computer And Doesn't Seem To Know What A USB Drive Is
NY Times- A lot of people don’t use computers. Most of them aren’t in charge of a nation’s cybersecurity. But one is. Japanese lawmakers were aghast on Wednesday when Yoshitaka Sakurada, 68, the minister who heads the government’s cybersecurity office, said during questioning in Parliament that he had no need for the devices, and appeared confused when asked basic technology questions. “I have been independently running my own business since I was 25 years old,” he said. When computer use is necessary, he said, “I order my employees or secretaries” to do it.
“I don’t type on a computer,” he added. Asked by a lawmaker if nuclear power plants allowed the use of USB drives, a common technology widely considered to be a security risk, Mr. Sakurada did not seem to understand what they were. “I don’t know details well,” he said. “So how about having an expert answer your question if necessary, how’s that?”
Go Yoshi Go!!! I’m sure there were many people that read this story got all upset that the guy who is supposed to keep an entire country’s online infrastructure safe has no idea what a USB drive is or how to use a mouse. But I say fuck that. There is nobody on the planet better at keeping their online identity secure than Yoshi Sakurada. You can’t get an STD if you never have sex and you can’t get a virus if you never go on a computer. Spot the lie in that sentence. You can’t. The Japanese government could put a million hackers in a room for a century with the one goal to hack Mr. Sakurada and none of them would be able to do it. Sure that’s only because he avoids computers like I avoid veggies and is one of the six people on the planet to still exclusively use pen & paper to communicate along with your nana and John Maffei. But still, ball don’t lie and neither does a squeaky clean internet dick. I guess Japan being a superadvanced country technologically of people that likely have very interesting internet browser histories could be a problem. But as long as everyone has an internet expert to their left or right, everything should work just fine. There are literally no holes in Big Yosh’s plan.
Speaking of interesting browser history, nobody tell Yoshi about internet porn or else Japan won’t be able to find their minister of cybersecurity for at least a month. And when they do find him, he will likely be limping and chafed for days after going down a rabbit hole none of us can possibly fathom.