While You Were Eating Yourself Into A Coma All Weekend, Billy Mitchell Was Breaking The 1 Million Point Mark On Donkey Kong

Say it together with me people. “Billy Mitchell always has a plan”. I may not like Billy Mitchell, but God damn I respect him. Watching the Ric Flair of retro gaming get his swagger back and break a milly in the OG DK was like something out of a movie. I knew the greatest video game villain any of us will ever see would be back after he had his Donkey Kong and Pac-Man high scores removed earlier this year due to illegal hardware. What I didn’t know was that Billy Mitchell would be griding away to put up two commas in Donkey Kong while the rest of the country was focused on eating and watching football. That is how you play the role of the bad guy. Pick the perfect time to strike, get the most Alpha outfit ever (all black errything with the American flag tie) and unleash an A+++++ quote. I mean just look at that tweet. “Haters will see you walk on water and say it’s because you can’t swim”. There are only three people on the planet that would tweet that out. One is a President, one is a Presidente, and the third is Billy fucking Mitchell. No matter what you think about him or what the Twin Galaxies leaderboard says about his accomplishments, you must respect a guy that has a legion of minions do his dirty work for him. They don’t give nobodies a float at The Rose Parade.

And for the people saying “What the fuck is this idiot Clem talking about?”, here is your Must Watch homework for the night.