It's About Time To Get My Annual Big Mistake Haircut

These last few years Twitter has been a mini-journal of sorts for me, so as I consider chopping my hair off I went back through the files & it was easy to see I don’t have a healthy relationship with salons…

In fact, I never have. It started with the first 7 or so years of my life when a tiny mullet graced my dome. A fringe of bangs & sideburns surrounded my face like a hood when the hoodie string is pulled too tight, & the brown fringe that hung down in the back made it look like my neck had it’s own brown shag carpeting.

Unfortunately that really set the tone & it’s never gotten much better from there.

This photo above was a look I found acceptable for a rugby ‘date party’. I had gotten it cut hours before at the Indiana, PA Great Clips with a ‘Grand Opening $5 Style Coupon’… No matter the place or the price I’ve always kept this idea that with the right cut I’ll finally, magically look like a supermodel. I’ve yet to find the key to that.

Even now that I’m older & more mature I seem to freeze up in the stylist’s chair… I’m too trusting to fully explain what I really want or don’t want, too polite to stop when I see the scissors slicing through something I definitely didn’t ask for, and too awkward to request that something clearly botched be fixed. I sort of just go with the flow, act delighted, leave a solid tip, and then stare in the rear-view mirror with tears streaming down my face, full of regrets, when I get back into my car afterwards. That’s totally normal, right?

This behavior has resulted in accidental mullets, hair in off-shades of maroon, black, gray & orange, wacky bangs, fuzzy frizz & all sorts of unique styles. In fact, when I went to a college reunion a few weekends ago they had fun going through a rolodex of my bad hair moments from back in the day.

But now it’s been a couple years since I’ve done something really dumb & I just have that itch to fuck it up again. Like I know whatever I get next is going to be rough but I can’t help it… it’s like when teens get themselves into trouble because they’re bored. I get an ‘ah shit, it’s a bowl cut now’ because I get antsy for change.

Speaking of, I have an appointment for next Tuesday morning at a place I’ve never been to (that’s another bad habit – I’ve never had a regular go-to place and I’m in my early 30s now… yikes). Should I put “hair appt” on my calendar or just skip to the main part & write “ugly cry all afternoon”? Stay tuned!