Someone Ranked the Most Popular Christmas Movies by State and I Call B.S.

Source – As it turns out, your go-to Christmas movie could be influenced by where you live.

Using data from Rotten Tomatoes and other public sources, we compiled a list of the most popular Christmas movies of all time. Then, we partnered up with our friends at Mindnet Analytics and used Google Trends data to determine which Christmas movie each state was most obsessed with relative to other states.

I’ve long since suspected that these types of maps, “Most Common Google Searches by State” or “Most Popular NFL Jerseys by State” or “Favorite Disgraced #MeToo Pervert by State” or whatever, had zero science behind them. No real analytics. Not a shred of quantifiable data. Just pure clickbait to trick suckahs like me into posting the links. And this one settles it once and for all.

Let’s begin with the obvious. How could It’s a Wonderful Life be the favorite Christmas movie in exactly zero states? One of the most beloved films in American history. One that made its mark on a generation of Americans in the late 80s and 90s when it was public domain and therefore free so it was on cable 24 hours a day. That can be quoted verbatim by every human being over the age of 40. One that is associated with Christmas as much as Santa Claus and Jesus. But can’t win a Christmas movie primary in any of 50 states. I call Bumbleshit.

And A Christmas Story being No. 1 no place but Delaware isn’t improbable, it’s flat out impossible. Physically, scientifically, mathematically impossible. It’s simply too ingrained in the culture. The leg lamp. Oh, fudge. The Triple Dog Dare. Scut Farkus. When was the last time in America someone mentioned a BB gun without someone else immediately saying “You’ll shoot you’re eye out?” And I will go to my grave saying that Darren McGavin was robbed of an Oscar for his performance as Ralphie’s Old Man.

The same with Christmas Vacation, winning no state’s top spot. Find me a Christmas movie that has added more catchphrases to the lexicon. “Shitter was full.” Jelly of the Month Club. “The hap-hap-happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby danced with Danny fuckin’ Kaye.” Snots the dog. “Squirrel!” I don’t have a red and green box in the attic labeled “Exterior Illumination” because I thought up the term.

But no, among the three of them, they only managed to crack the top of one state’s list. Meanwhile, movies so obscure even an obsessive movie fan like me has never seen them or, in some cases, never even heard of them. The Apartment, New York and Alaska? While You Were Sleeping, Utah? The Best Man Holiday, Mississippi? What even are these? And I hate to break it to you, South Dakota, but Frosty is a half hour TV special. And not a particularly good one. And Batman Returns??? I’ll argue with anyone that Die Hard is not a Christmas movie, because take the Christmas out of it and it’s the exact same film. But at least it’s the gold standard for action movies. Batman Returns is at most the sixth best Batman movie ever, and I’m putting the original Adam West version ahead of it. So there’s no way it’s anyone’s favorite.

But even with all that, say this study skewed young and didn’t reflect postwar Frank Capra corniness or 80s nostalgia, how is Elf so underrepresented? It’s an instant, modern classic that is way, way better than it had any right to be. But it won as many states at The Ref, which is loved by nobody.

Finally, I know this is nonsense when my own home state has Love, Actually as its favorite. First of all, the half of the Masshole population that does not possess vaginas has either never seen it or has only watched it under duress. I’m sure the scene where Andrew Lincoln tries to break up Keira Knightley’s marriage with creepy cue cards makes women all over Cambridge, Dover, Wellesley and the rich parts of western Mass around Tanglewood have to sit on a towel. But they are way outnumbered by the people who’d rather watch George Bailey get his life back or the criminally underrated Scrooged again.

So congrats on some successful clickurbaition, whoever came up with this list. But it’s total garbage.