45 Year Old Man Pledges A Frat, Calls The Cops When They Haze Him

NY POST - A middle-aged Brooklyn man told cops he paid a painful price for pledging a fraternity at the ripe old age of 45 — by getting whacked on the backside hundreds of times with a wooden paddle, police sources said Friday.

How about Old Man Gates, the single worst pledge in the history of fraternities and Greek Life in general?

Tory Gates, 45, said he was drinking “heavily” inside a Bedford-Stuyvesant brownstone on Dec. 7 when the Omega Psi Phi brothers blindfolded him, whipped out a wooden paddle and told him to bend over, according to police sources.

That’s when they went more medieval than Greek on his heinie, whacking it up to 200 times with the paddle and their open hands, according to the sources.

He was so bruised up by the agonizing bashing that he checked himself into Mount Sinai Hospital — and called the cops on his would-be frat bros.

We’re talking paddling?  Paddling?  That’s what you called the cops on?  PADDLING?  Buddy have you ever seen a movie before, or just simply been alive in the world at any point?  Were you completely caught off guard by the fact you would be paddled, something that is borderline impossible to be unaware of in the year 2018?

Imagine if he got to the real stuff.  Paddling is like day 1 stuff.  Do you know evolved and advanced hazing techniques have become?  This ain’t Animal House.   We’re talking Ice Bucket Baseball.  Picnic.  U-Haul bottle kills. Soy sauce chugs.  Kegs and Eggs. Branding.  I mean thank god they didn’t Elephant Walk this guy, he’d call in the fucking Counter-Terrorism Unit.

Welcome to the new generation Old Man Gates.

PS,

I can’t talk about frats and hazing without throwing it back to one of the best blog stories of all time:

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Incredible.  Before you knew him as Don Draper, Frat Star Jon Hamm was setting kids on fucking fire for forgetting his nickname MC Hammer.

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…Sanders told officials the worst of the hazing happened in the early hours of November 10, 1990 when he was summoned to the house and warned by Hamm: ‘It’s going to be a long night.’

The junior was then allegedly subjected to two hours of brutal physical attacks as part of his fiery baptism into the fraternity.

He listed Hamm as one of his chief tormentors, recalling how the future star ordered him to recite a six-page list of phrases pledges are told to memorize called the ‘bulls*** list’.

When he forgot the last of Hamm’s nicknames, which included MC Hammer and Young Bobby, he recalled how Hamm got “mad, I mean really mad’.

Hamm and his frat cohorts’ retribution was to spank Sanders repeatedly with a paddle.

‘I’m hurting bad, I mean being hit right where the kidney is, it’s killing me,’ Sanders told his interviewers.

Hamm and another fraternity member then lifted Sanders up by his underwear, pulling it back and forth in a sawing motion.
‘I don’t know how far underwear stretches, I don’t know how far I was off the ground,’ he recalled.

‘I was hurting really bad and I remember I was looking up at the ceiling and I was gritting my teeth and squinting my eyes … it was sawing and it was hurting.’

Sanders told investigators how Hamm then led him to ‘the pit’ where he ordered him to do press-ups and pushed his face into the ground.

The distraught pledge felt someone, possibly Hamm, standing on his back.

Hamm is then supposed to have set fire to Sanders’ pants and refused to let him pat the flames down, instead making him blow them out.

Finally he was led upstairs to the ‘party room’ when Hamm hooked the claw of a hammer underneath his testicles and pulled him around the room ‘for at least a minute’. [Source]

Reminds me of one of my favorite Don Draper quotes. “What is happiness? It’s a moment before you need more happiness. And a moment before I wedgie you so hard your asshole rips apart then set your pants on fire and drag you around the room by your dick with a claw hammer.” (Quote slightly amended by me). I mean Christ, Hamm, it’s just a frat dude. Doesn’t give you an excuse to be the most sadistic motherfucker ever and start busting kidneys open.