Guy Gets Shot at By Someone Who Mistook Him for Bigfoot

Montana – A Helena man target shooting on public land near Helena reported being shot at multiple times by another man who “mistook him for Bigfoot.”

The man, who identified himself to dispatchers as being 27 and from Helena, was reportedly setting up targets on BLM land in the North Hills when, he says, a bullet hit about 3 feet to his left, and then another bullet hit to his right before he ran to cover and heard more shots.

The Helena man told dispatchers he then confronted the shooter, who told him he was “not wearing orange and thought he was Bigfoot,” according to Lewis and Clark County Sheriff Leo Dutton.

Aside from the fact that this is one 27 year old Helena man who not only needs to invest in some orange outerwear, he needs to think long and hard about his weight and grooming habits, the biggest takeaway from this is the very real danger of Bigfoots – Bigfeet? – in the Great Northwest. When everything moving in the woods without safety gear on is just assumed to be Bigfoot, then the Squatch problem is much, much worse than we thought. Those poor bastards are on a hair trigger up there and the only logical explanation is the forest is lousy with Gigantopithecus and people are terrified.

I’d like to think that if I came across the greatest zoological discovery in the history of civilization, my first instinct wouldn’t be to fire at it with as many rounds as I could get off. But how do I know? Until I’ve walked in this guy’s hunting boots for a while, I can’t really judge him. No less a source than my favorite historical figure ever, Teddy Roosevelt in his book The Wildnerness Hunter, spoke of a trapper he met named Bauman who was working with a partner when their campsite kept getting ransacked by “a bear” whose set of tracks indicated it was walking on two feet. They figured enough was enough and decided to break camp:

Bauman went off alone to collect some of the remaining traps, and returned several hours later to a horrible scene. His partner had been killed, and apparently flung around the campsite by a powerful animal. His neck had been broken and bitten, but apparently he wasn’t taken as prey as his body was still intact.

So yeah, put yourself up in the dense forests of Montana and see how much balls you have. Or how much trigger discipline. Personally I’ve been to Alaska three times and seen how vast and virtually unexplorable the wilderness is up there. And while I’m not ready to say Bigfoot exists (like I do with UFOs), to me it is entirely plausible something with evolved intelligence and highly developed senses could be living up there undetected by man. So much so that if they ever catch this shooter, I say he should get off with just a warning because Squatches might be real and if so, they are scary as all hell. And this other guy needs to just buy an orange vest and quit his bitching.