Ladies, We Gotta Stop Putting Parsley In Our Vaginas

The week is almost over & you were so busy that you kept ordering delivery & half of your groceries went unused. Now they’re going to spoil & you feel awful about it. And ugggghhhh, look at all that parsley – $4.50 going to waste.

To make matters worse, you were supposed to get your period three days ago & still nothing. If you don’t get it before your vacation next week you’re gonna be PISSED. Everything is falling apart.

Heading into work it’s all on your mind as you flip through the latest issue of Marie Claire, and the solution falls right into your lap:

“Parsley can help to soften the cervix and level out hormonal imbalances that could be delaying your cycle, helping your period come faster.”

The article goes on to say parsley is an emmenagogue which (according to Wikipedia who is always 100% correct) is an herb that stimulates blood flow in the pelvic area and uterus. They continue,

“If you’re struggling to find a dish based on parsley, don’t panic – the most effective forms are said to be parsley tea and parsley vaginal inserts.”

Hmm… You don’t have the tea, but you’ve got the parsley. And anything can be a vaginal insert if you’re brave enough.

The second you get home, you (and thousands of other women who read that in the magazine) are going to fling open the fridge, grab those herbs, & shove that parsley right up your va…

HOLD ON. STOP. STOP IT! Ladies, we gotta stop putting parsley in our vaginas. Apparently that’s actually bad, and doctors are saying it could even be dangerous.

From IFLscience.com:

Putting any kind of fresh produce into your vagina risks bacterial infection, with potentially life-threatening consequences.

“There is no evidence of any benefit to a woman of doing this, and clear risk of significant harm as deaths have been reported,” Dr Shazia Malik told The Independent. “I would urge women not to insert anything unless they have taken proper medical advice.”

Marie Claire has since issued a retraction & taken the article down. And yeah it’s bad they published it in the first place, but I have to ask.. was there really a danger there? Is anyone actually doing the wacky things magazines like this suggest?

Yes.

Gotta say, I appreciate her sense of humor & candor on how it all went. (Spoiler alert – not well.)

But also, YIKES.

Anyways, gotta go make sure I’m all steamed out for the weekend. TTYL.