Madden Officially Has The Rams Winning The Super Bowl

Madden has been running these simulations for the last 15 years and every year I take the computer’s word as gospel. Because computers are smarter than humans. That’s just a fact of life we all have to deal with sooner that later. The first eight years they started running these simulations they were correct seven times. SEVEN! The one they got wrong? Apparently the Giants beat some 18-0 team. I have no recollection of this game so I’m going to have to assume the internet is lying to me. Doesn’t ring any bells.

Granted, they’ve been batting about .500 the past seven years bringing their average down to 10/15. But what’s most notable about this year’s simulation is that it’s only the second time Madden has picked against the Patriots. The computers are not like the lying, fake news media. They recognize greatness in algorithms and extrapolate off of such. The first time they picked against the Patriots was… the second time they lost to the Giants. Clearly the computers felt snake-bitten after Super Bowl XLII when they thought the 18-1 Patriots were going to hang 38 on Michael Strahan. So when the Patriots let down the computers, they act petty and refuse to pick them the next time around.

Which is exactly what’s happening here. Madden picked the Patriots to beat the Eagles last year 24-20. Not even close to the actual 41-33 score. There is no algorithm for Big Dick Nick magic and now, like a petulant child, the computers are revolting and picking the Rams 30-27. The game also has the Patriots up 17-3 at halftime, meaning this game is going to give me several consecutive heart attacks in the final two quarters. Aaron Donald is apparently going to get four sacks, which feels low. I know the Patriots haven’t allowed a sack yet against multiple gifted pass rushers this postseason, but none of them are Aaron Donald. Jared Goff’s going to air it out for 303 yards and two TDs. Robert Woods is going to be uncoverable. Todd Gurley isn’t going to rush for 100 yards but he is going to punch in the game winning score. There was no prediction as to how many plays Tony Romo is going to correctly call before the snap, so can we really trust this year’s Madden simulation? No. No we cannot.

First the media, now the computers, absolutely no one living or dead believes in the Patriots anymore. Sad.