Grenade Found At Newark Airport: No Word Yet On How This Will Affect Spaghetti Operations In Terminal C

NEWARK, N.J. — Federal authorities say an inert grenade was found in a passenger’s luggage at Newark Liberty International Airport right outside New York City.

Transportation Security Administration officials said officers found the grenade Wednesday in the bag of a passenger heading to Phoenix.

Officials said the grenade was real but had been rendered incapable of exploding. The man told them that he was on his way to military training.

I have no idea what inert means so I didn’t put that in a headline. I do know what spaghetti means to people so I put that in the headline. Blog school? Maybe. Look, military training is something I can get behind. I love training. In fact, if it aint raining, we aint training. That doesnt have ANYTHING to do with this blog though.

Imagine how pissed you’d be at this guy if he delayed your trip through Newark’s airport just enough that you didn’t get to enjoy the harvest that is the spaghetti in terminal c. You were on your way to Atlanta to see PupPunk play last night and you’re fucking starving.

You’ve read my blogs about Newark airport so instead of stopping to get some Heluva Good Dip from your local grocery store (French Onion), you decide to wait to try out the finest culinary creations at the best airport in the NYC area.

Next thing you know, boom. Fake grenade delays your trip. Very frustrating!

You begin to weep by the TSA checkpoint and the security specialist asks you what’s wrong. You can’t speak so you show him your boarding pass which indicates that you need to board your flight in 15 minutes and then you show him this picture which is saved in your “Family” folder on your phone for quick access.

Third time today that the security specialist had seen that picture.

“There there. You have a return flight on Monday. Enjoy the spaghetti then. We’ll be waiting for you with a fresh plate and our smiling faces.”

God damn. I love Newark Airport. Just the best people in the world.