I Feel Like I Just Got Hit By A Bus

What the FUCK just happened?

I…I…I don’t even know what to say. I can’t believe that Kristaps Porzingis is no longer a Knick. Anybody that reads Barstool SPORTS for the SPORTS knows how weird it is we invest so much in teams full of people we have never met and Kristaps Porzingis was my guy at Barstool from Day 1. I don’t know if covering him helped me get this job that I loved, but it sure as shit didn’t hurt.

I tried to gather my thoughts after the trade in a Periscope, which is pretty much this blog in rambling video form.

I am numb. That’s the only real way to explain how I handled what just happened. My body literally went numb from head to toe. The last time I felt this was ironically when the Knicks drafted Porzingis, which completely took me by surprise. I wasn’t one of those Knicks fans booing or killing the trade because I was in shock. I hadn’t even read up on KP leading up to the draft because I didn’t think the Knicks would draft a 7’3″ unknown from Latvia. But we did, got clowned, and then it turned out to be the best pick they could have ever made. Anybody who has read Barstool over the years knows I much I loved that dude. He was good, he was entertaining, he was bloggable. It almost felt like the Knicks got him by accident because of all the bad moves and bad luck this franchise has. But the fanbase loved him more than any player I can remember. I mean I went to halfway around the world to a place called LATVIA just to learn more about him.

I still can’t process the thought of him being gone in a poof. Am I wrong in saying this, but was that not the fastest trade in NBA history? It felt like news broke about Porzingis being unhappy with the Knicks losing ways, I blinked, and then he was gone. In the words of Cousin Riggs, check the fucking timestamps!

With a timeline like that, no wonder my head is spinning. I mean this clearly had to be something that was brewing for a while, right? Maybe the Knicks had been quietly shopping Porzingis, who has expressed his unhappiness with the franchise in the past. Did KP say he was going to sign the one year qualifying offer no matter how much it would potentially cost him, so the Knicks figured it was time to pull the trigger on a trade, get back Dennis Smith Jr. (who they could have drafted last year) and some expiring deals? I do think trading a potential superstar coming off of an ACL injury is the epitome of selling low, which last I checked was a bad idea. But there has to be more to this other than “Knicks are gonna Knicks”, right?

Now obviously the key part of this trade for the Knicks was moving as many contracts as possible to clear cap space.

If you are someone that loves making Photoshops of basketball players wearing jerseys of teams they don’t play for, congratulations. You are the big winner of this trade. Now you can whip up a Photoshop of every player in this summer’s impressive free agent field with a Knicks logo and be assured Knicks fans will tweet it (along with your watermark/logo) a billion times as we try to convince ourself that the Knicks will sign a Tier 1 free agent for the first time in my life. Sorry I don’t consider an injury prone Amare Stoudemire a tier 1 free agent because his own team didn’t want to re-sign him due to his battered body.

So now we just have to root for whatever is necessary to make Kevin Durant or any of the other stud free agents want to leave their teams and sign with the Knicks. We have traded our dreams of KP, Knox, Robinson, and Zion or even the beautiful dream of KD, KP, Knox, Robinson, and Zion for KD, (Kyrie/Kemba/Max Free Agent 2), Knox, Robinson, and Zion. Which I would be fine with other than, again, the inconvenient fact that we NEVER sign a Top 3 free agent. And if we are being honest, it’s pretty much Durant or bust because he is a former MVP that can completely change a franchise.

Wait, what was that?

Fuck it, I’m in. I’m ALL IN. We already knew Durant was interested in the Knicks, knows his legacy of being a BBB (we don’t say that word) would disappear if he brought a chip to New York, and this only seals the deal.

Megabus doesn’t get run over by buses. Megabus runs over buses!

Which takes me to my final point…

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BREAK OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING PHOTOSHOPS, NO MATTER HOW UNLIKELY OR RIDICULOUS THEY ARE. #PHOTOSHOPSZN IS HERE!!!!!!

There is no way this ends in utter heartbreak for the Knicks and their fans!

P.S. Shout out to everyone on Twitter for the kind words and support during this very tough time. You guys are what #Twitterfam is all about and I will try to respond once these kids get out of my hair for a minute and my brain finally is able to process this trade. And to the few Mavs fans that were talking shit or laughing at me, you are rebuked as is this chode.

I also rebuke the lady that left her purse in the Stop & Shop parking lot and has apparently created the #PurseCurse over either me, the Knicks, or both.

Thankfully this tweet made me feel better before it made me cry again.

Today’s a cheat day for the diet. JK, I have an ex I have to make jealous and he is an injured 7’3″ basketball player that now plays for the Dallas Mavericks.

I still can’t believe this is real. I know that Porzingis is coming off a brutal injury, has never proven he can stay healthy, and may prove to be an all-time What If instead of a superstar. But going from dreaming of him playing his whole career in New York to being gone in the blink of an eye is tough to swallow. Please let this all work out for the Knicks just once. Please. God.