Patrick McGillicuddy - 17 Years Old 12 Parades

Patrick McGillicuddy. Now 17 years old. Hormone Monster probably raging inside him being like “Stay home! Masturbate all day! ALL DAY!” but duty calls because the Patriots won again so its time to do some arts and crafts and go watch a parade. Do you know how fucking hard that probably is for a 17 year old? When all you wanna do is steal beer and chase skirts and hes got a whole nation of Massholes depending on you to walk around at a parade with a dumb homemade sign. At what point does McGillicuddy say “enough.” At what point does McGillicuddy just pull a Sunny D:

At what point does the angsty rebellious teenager come out and he just says “Fuck you guys! I just wanna do me!” and storms out of his house leaving his father with the dumb sign in his hands. Like Johnny Moxon. I DOUGHNT WAHNT YER LAHF!

If I had to guess Patty Mac will probably get tired of this shit right around the same time Tom Brady gets tired of football….so we have at least 5 more years. And so now we are facing the improbable but not impossible situation where we have parades catch up to years. If we have a few more years of what just happened – 2 titles per year – we’ll end up with 22 years 22 parades. Which honestly SHOULDNT happen but you can almost pencil the Pats in for 1 a year and then you have 3 very young very good teams who need to win just 1 between them. FUCK THAT. We might actually have been in a little valley for the Boston dynasty and it might just now be peaking again. We might see like 19 years 17 parades with their current lineup. At that point if I have to see him like 4, 5 times in a couple years I’m hiring a sniper. I swear to God I’ll put a hit out on this kid. I will have a sniper shoot this kid at the parade. That will end you PRECIOUS little field trip pretty damn quick!

PS – “Sign Kid’s Reign Of Terror Continues” is weak. NOBODY calls you Sign Kid, dude. It happened like once. Now youre Patrick McGillicuddy. You’re type cast. You’re Kramer from Signfeld (See what I did there?) Just embrace it dude. Change you’re name and ride the wave, you trend approximately 1.5 times a year on Twitter if you’re Patty Mac.