Waking Up From A Coma And Finding Out You Have A New Born Baby Is The Worst Fate In The World

BBC - A teenager who went into a coma after going to bed with a headache woke up four days later to discover she had given birth to a surprise baby girl.

Ebony Stevenson, 18, from Oldham, said she had no idea she was pregnant when she went to bed feeling unwell.

She was taken to hospital after suffering a series of seizures where medics discovered she was expecting.

Her unborn baby developed in one of two wombs, in a rare condition called uterus didelphys.

The sports physiotherapy student awoke on 6 December having had a 7lbs 10oz baby girl.

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This has got to be the worst news a person can get. Not the being in a coma part, that sounds awesome. I imagine being in a coma is the happiest a person can possibly be on Earth. You’re still alive, but you’re just taking a longggggg ass nap. You’re still being fed, you’re still pooping, but you don’t have to worry about any of it. Just in la-la land, snoozing away, living without a worry. Even your friends come and visit you, but you don’t even have to wake up to hang out with them. It’s the ideal situation.

Until you wake up, and you have a god damn BABY.

Can you even imagine? A surprise baby? You wake up well rested, like “oh my bad about that whole coma thing”, and they toss a fucking BABY at you? You gotta just pretend to fall right back into the coma. Try to play it off or something, like nope just kidding, I’m still super in this coma. The second the doctor turn to you and says “Hey turns out you have a secret womb in there like a fucking hidden room behind a bookcase and you’ve been pregnant for the last 9 months” you inject yourself with as much morphine as possible until you are deep back asleep.

Also, while on the subject, it’s always crazy to me when people have surprise babies. You know what I mean? Like, every mother-to-be I’ve ever known does all these classes and takes all these vitamins and has to watch what they eat and drink and all that stuff. They are crazy strict about it. Meanwhile this girl has a hidden womb and popped out a magic baby, no harm no foul. It’s like the 1600’s, they just had a baby in piles of leaves and sticks. I mean sure like 60% of them died, but still.

So hey, take some inspiration out of this. You too can one day fall into a coma and wake up with the miracle of life. See, I made it optimistic. Good on me.