Breaking Down the Worst Party Slang Terms of All Time

KB3/05/2019 12:01 AM

Is it Friday yet?

Can we fast forward to the weekend?

Spring, where you at?

If you’re anything like me (S/O Aquarians), those were probably some of the thoughts running through your head as you were scraping the snow off your windshield this morning. Even $2K worth of layers (S/O Canada Goose) wasn’t enough to stop me from shivering my a** off and daydreaming about being somewhere warm (preferably Bali (I’ve been there) or Mykonos (I’ve been there twice) but I guess Miami would do). Anyways! It may be a frigid (ick!), snowy (bluh!) Monday (barf!) in March, but between all the juicy/moist Kardashian drama and the Jonas Brothers reuniting, my adrenaline is still on Black Diamond Mode (I’d rather be skiing right now (preferably in Switzerland) (I studied abroad in Europe) but I guess Aspen would do) and, admittedly, wine is still running through my veins (Yup, it was one of those weekends).

If you made it through that entire paragraph without exiting out of this or fantasizing about my slow, torturous death, then there’s a great chance I hate you, which is convenient, because you’re the audience I’m trying to target right now.

Linguistics, or the way in which we use words to express ourselves (Edit: pretend this is accurate), says a lot about who we are as people. Sometimes it can reveal in-depth information about ourselves and our personalities, and sometimes it can simply say where we’re from on a map. In the introduction paragraph, I attempted to use words and other punctuation marks (like parentheses) in a way to make me come across as the most annoying and loathsome person in the world. That was obviously an extreme example, but are there ever any cases in which the use of one, single word can tell you a lot about who someone is as a person? From my research, the answer is a resounding yes.

Regional Dialect Differences

As mentioned above, the use of some English words can simply tell others where you’re from in America.

For example, referring to a group of people as “y’all” is usually an indicator that someone is from the South, while saying “you guys” is usually an indicator that someone is from a region of the U.S. other than the South. But for the most part, the use of either of those words doesn’t say much about someone’s other characteristics or personality traits.

Likewise, if you say “water fountain,” you’re probably from the Midwest, South, or Northeast. If you say “drinking fountain,” your probably from the West. And if you say “bubbler,” you’re probably an insufferable asshole.

Just like “soda” and “pop” are indicators of different regional dialects, but saying “coke” to refer to all carbonated beverages is an indicator of an IQ that is at least 2 standard deviations below the mean.

There’s no arguing this one. Referring to all soft drinks as “Coke” is objectively fucking stupid and illogical. It would be just like referring to all drugs as “coke” or all of your sociopathic boyfriend’s flaws as “coke addictions.”

Now let’s breakdown some of the worst American English slang terms of all time.

Personally, I would never utter the words “dage” or “darty” under any circumstances. I deeply dislike both, but I understand that some of my friends, colleagues, and even employers prefer/profit off at least one of those, so I’ll spare you my biased, unnecessary opinion on them.

To me, it’s either “drinking” or “partying,” and whether it’s happening during the day or night is usually already implied by whether it’s light or dark outside. But again, my opinion on this matter is irrelevant, so I’ll be saving my harsh words for a term that I’m almost positive no one I associate with has ever used.

1. Dager/Dayger

It doesn’t get much worse than this, boys and girls. It’s one of those words that you’d love to believe no one who shares the same planet as you actually uses in real life, but if history has taught us anything, people almost always have the potential to be worse than our minds can fathom. I did the dirty work and decided to research the term and the type of people who use it.

Here’s a handy Venn diagram comparing the type of people who say “dager” with other types of people:

Additional examples:

Fortunately (or maybe unfortunately), that is a girl sucking a statue’s dick, not a real person’s dick.

2. Dager/Dayger SZN

Even worse and scarier than dager, “Dager SZN” takes one of the worst slang terms and adds one of the douchiest abbreviations to it.

Handy Venn diagram:

3. Snage

Here’s a test: Say the sentence, “Yo are you going to that snage later tonight?” out loud.

If you didn’t cringe, gag, become viscerally uncomfortable, or straight up fail to do it, then that tells me a lot about who are you. For starters, I would never get along with you or tolerate your general presence for any duration of time.

4. Drunch

If nightmarish chills didn’t run down your spine as you read the words in the screenshot above, then I’m supremely confident that you’re not the type of person to make it past the halfway point of one of my blogs, so there’s no message that I could effectively get across to you. Minimal research revealed to me that “Drunch” is actually the highly-fitting name of a floral brunch restaurant where girls go to take Instagram pics with an obnoxiously large purple teddy bear.

5. Shwasty

I don’t think there’s any commentary or breakdown needed for this one. All I’m asking is that if you do happen to use this “word” in public, make sure to stay far, far away from me, my loved ones, and my loved ones’ loved ones.

6. Spreak

Nope.

7. Sylly Week

I’d hate to expose the good man/men from “Barstool Fort Hays” for using such a ghastly term, except that school is in Kansas, so I’d love to do exactly that. Luckily for them, there were a lot worse tweets using the term than a video of a young stud chugging some hard booze.