On International Women's Day, Putin Reminds Russian Women They're Good Homemakers and How Hot They Are

Source – Russian President Vladimir Putin congratulated Russian women for everything they do in life, like taking care of the home and staying beautiful. He made the remarks to a group of Russian female policewomen on International Women’s Day, which was celebrated throughout the Soviet Union.

“You manage everything at work and at home, whilst staying beautiful, bright, and charming,” Putin said, adding that “It is hard to imagine the history and development of our country without the contribution of the great Russian women.”

“What does a young woman need to maintain her figure? Three things: a workout machine, a masseuse and a suitor,” Putin told the police officers.

Putin also told the female police staff that when they patrol the city woodland parks, the number of accidents drops “because those who wish to commit suicide look at you and want to live again,” reported The Moscow Times.

Frigging Putin, you honey dripper. You silver tongued devil. This is how to celebrate International Women’s Day. But reminding your female police officers how hot they are. How good they are at raising little Russian babies. Celebrate them for the way they manage to keep their bodies tight thanks to quality Russian workout gear, massages and guys hitting on them. And how their hotness keeps the suicide rate down from all the clinically depressed men that want to bang them.

Sure he could’ve worked in a line or two about the millions of front line female soldiers in the Red Army who fought back the German invaders. The lady Cosmonauts, maybe. The thousands of Olympians who’ve set hundreds of world records in the women’s events. But this is a man who understands the female psyche. If he didn’t already have his hands full running an authoritarian government where his opponents mysteriously turn up missing all the time, he could be writing a series of “How to Talk to Women” books or post YouTubes like “The Pick Up Artist’s 10 Foolproof Opening Lines for Breaking the Ice.”

I mean, look at these police women. They’re positively smitten:

They might be sworn officers of the law, duty bound to round up muggers and pickpockets and people with dissenting opinions about Putin. But that doesn’t mean they’re above getting their uniform pants charmed off by this sweet talker. You think there’s one political leader in America capable of pulling this off? Not since Clinton lost his fastball about six elections ago. There is a Charm Gap between our countries I don’t think we’ll ever be able to close.

So have a great International Women’s Day. But I’m looking forward to celebrating Putin on International Ladies Man Day.