Mitt Romney Blows Out Birthday Candles Like This Is His First Trip To Planet Earth

Uhhh Mitt… what the fuck are you doing? One at a time? This is outrageous. But that’s not even the worst part about this birthday cake. Being a Senator or something like that would be so incredibly terrible. Look at that office. He’s rich as hell and that’s his office. It looks downright dreary. It’s cold, boring, and offers no creativity.

His staff comes in with a fucking Twinkie cake and he has to ACT like he’s so excited that he’s gonna cum his pants. Spoiler alert: he didnt cum.

“Oh wow! This cake… boy I tell ya what. This is just terrific. This is the bee’s knees.”

Fuck that. If you come in my office with a birthday cake like that, happy birthday to the ground!