Man Or Woman: You'd Be So Lucky If This Modern-Day Jesus Came Inside You And Gave You A Baby Like He Has 18 Other Women

Kyle Gordy is a self-proclaimed “modern-day Jesus” who travels this great nation to impregnate scores of women with his “strong sperm.”

The 27-year-old Los Angeles native started his mission in 2014 and has sired 18 babies — with seven more on the way — all around the country, from Alaska and Colorado to Texas and Kansas. (Dubai, the UK and Australia are on his international “wish list.”)

It all started when he decided his super spunk was just too special to keep to himself. So, like the modern man he is, Gordy advertised his gift on Craigslist. Within two weeks, he made his very first donation to a local woman via artificial insemination.

“I was going to apply to a sperm bank, but the whole thing just felt so cold and clinical,” he told Caters News. “My sperm is much better than what is in a sperm bank, as it’s strong and fresh during the donation, while I also do it all for free.”

With one successful pregnancy in the bag, Gordy says word of his superpower spread — and soon he was being inundated with requests and referrals from women ages 18 to 42.

Gordy says his seed is fueled by organic food and 18 different herbs and supplements a day. The nonsmoker also claims he never drinks alcohol or uses drugs.

“I need to keep myself healthy, so I have the best sperm,” he says. “I have no idea why a woman would want to use a sperm bank when she could just use me. The specimens at a bank could be sitting there for years. You don’t really know what you’re getting.”

That was a tough headline to write. I dont really have any more commentary on this subject because the linked article is as crazy as it gets. I dont even think I can add anymore to this story. I’ll just say this: if I would have thought about someone with Jesus-like semen, I’d think he’d have more pecs or at least defined shoulders. This dude looks like he couldnt even make me squirm in the sheets. I’m not beating his doors down to beat my doors down. I might give him a little kiss but open wide and hollerin? Not likely.