Reminder: Fuck Duke
With Zionmania still running wild in America, I just wanted to jog everybody’s memory about what is usually the one glorious time of the year when 99% of the country can actually agree on something and root against Duke in the tournament. Having the most exciting college basketball player I can remember has taken a good chunk of hatred away from Duke. Hell, I love that manchild more than my actual children because he does things on the hardwood that break my brain and there is a 14% chance he may actually save my beloved Knicks from the reign of terror our dickhead owner has unleashed on us for 20 years. I look at Zion the same way Obi-Wan looked at Luke Skywalker, with Dolan being an Ewok-sized Darth Vader in our lives.
But we can’t lose sight of the forest despite the trees or however that phrase goes, if it even applies here. Christian Laettner, JJ Redick, Grayson Allen, and all the countless Dukies we grew up rooting against gave us too much hate in our hearts for one freak of nature to make us forget. Every Blue Devils win is another happy moment for all the Duke fans we know and hate as well as increases the chances that Coach K becomes the new and improved Coach Cal for One and Dones, instead he ends up with a shitload of championship trophies to go alongside all the framed jerseys of stud players he helped guide to the NBA lottery.
Now I know what you are thinking. Did I write blog because I have UCF in the #BudLightBusters and want as many people as possible rooting for my team? Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself. However, I truly believed that I had to remind people that unless you are a front-running asshole or have a Duke diploma somewhere in your house, it is your job as a human to root against Duke with all your heart. Sports is all about hating a team like Duke through the highs, the lows, and the 285 pound aliens with 80 inch verticals that seems like the nicest guy in the world.
In case anybody needed one last nudge, here is a video of Grayson Allen tripping people like a scumbag.
Remember, if you root for Duke today, you are rooting for them along with Grayson Allen while also rooting against Hank being forced to get a cat (sorry Hank, you are my Latvian brother. But putting out a can of cat food and cleaning a litter box every so often is a cakewalk compared to living with two small humans that need their asses wiped, fight you over every meal you cooked for them, and refuse to enjoy sleeping like everyone else in the world does).
Oh yeah and I can tell you from experience that rooting for Tacko Fall is pretty much the most fun thing ever.
