Power Ranking Marlins Man's Unsettling Large Cats
In the least suprising news of the century, it turns out our good friend Marlins Man has a plethora of unrealstically large cats that live in his law office like a little room of hilarity, acting out storylines from if Game Of Thrones was produced entirely in your Aunts apartment.
So without further ado here is a poweranking of the best Marlins Mans cats:
1. Mallomar
This is intimdation personified. When he’s not sitting on Marlins Mans collection of fourteen watches all stopped on the exact time and date of Marlins Mans birth, Mallomar can be found as a model for aspiring artists learning how to paint what a rainbow in hell might look like. Mallomar is named after a candy because he looks like a damn snack.
2. Oreo IV
Oreos a damn doublestuff if I’ve ever seen one. Tell me why this cat looks like its very disspointed in you for usnig AP style formatting instead of MLA on your annotated bibliography. The draft button is just a tramp stamp for your bad takes, and no she dosen’t offer extra-credit for attendence. Ive never seen a cat whose face looks like a photograph from the 1890s of a fidget spinner and I bet I never will again.
3. Fluffy 
Weighing in at 25 pounds- the term absolute unit dosen’t even begin to describe him. Fluffy polshes off cans of Star-Kist like Wade Boggs downs Miller Lites. Fluffy looks like 50% polar bear, 50% racoon, and 100% trouble Derek Jeter if they ever cross paths.
4. Truffles
Truffles is the mom to all of Marlins Mans cats. She is sassy, confident, yet those yellow eyes are equaly terrifying and lovable. Her eye boogers look like they’d be the secret ingredent in a witches brew to cure a flea infestation in the middle ages or if your a tennessee radio host and they’ve built a advanced society in your childrens hair
5. Tribbles
Happy as a clam just maintianing lookin like ol’ Wilford Brimley fucked a pint of rocky road ass lookin cat.
6. Father Cat
If you had 48 kids youd look tired all the time too.Got facial hair like a 70s kung fu sensei
7. Son Cat
Young, virile, kind of two-faced, has a face that looks like Andy Reid trying to figure out what time kickoff is on the day after daylight savings time.
8. Monster Vader
Monster Vader is a little back raincloud that eats souls and craps nigthmares. Looks like a damn porcupine got affected by a oil spill and the only celebrity around to clean it off played drums for Def Leppard.