Sega Is (Finally) Getting Into The Retro Console Game With The Genesis Mini

Gamespot- Releasing mini versions of classic consoles is an ongoing trend that took off with Nintendo’s SNES and NES Classics and continued with Sony’s PlayStation Classic. Now Sega is throwing its hat into the ring–the company announced March 30 that its own nostalgia console, the Genesis Mini (or Mega Drive Mini, for those in Europe), will launch worldwide on September 19.

Hey Sega!

I know that Sega is pretty much Austria-Hungary of the video game wars. A massive power that most people forget is even around anymore. But you would think the company that made Sonic The Hedgehog bigger than Super Mario for a brief time may have started building mini consoles of their own while Nintendo literally couldn’t stock them on the shelves fast enough. The NES Classic was a license to print money because old idiots like me wanted to get a dose of nostalgia to the brain while also teaching our kids the classics (which they likely hated because most of those old school games ain’t got shit on the PS4 or Switch games they are playing). At least getting the Genesis Mini out around the time of the Super NES Classic would have been a solid move considering most people were either Genesis kids or SNES kids. Nope, instead they wanted until the retro console bubble burst with the PlayStation Classic while not waiting until the bubble reformed with the N64 Classic (if there is a God).

But I guess it’s better late than never and the Genesis Mini comes with a fair price tag as well as a decent amount of games.

The Genesis Mini will cost $80 and comes with 40 games. Only 10 games have been confirmed so far: Sonic the Hedgehog, Ecco the Dolphin, Castlevania: Bloodlines, Space Harrier 2, Shining Force, Dr. Robotnik’s Mean Bean Machine, ToeJam & Earl, Comix Zone, Altered Beast, and Gunstar Heroes. According to Sega, the rest of the games will be announced intermittently leading up to the console’s release date.

First off, lets cut the shit here, Sega. You absolutely, positively have to have all three Sonic games in the Mini. Imagine if the NES Classic had Mario 1 but not 2 and 3? Actually that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world because Mario 2 was, is, and forever will be hot garbage. The only reason Mario 2 is so much different than the other Mario games is because Nintendo thought the real Mario 2 that was released in Japan was too hard for American kids. So if you like Mario 2, you are a simpleton (Nintendo’s words, not mine).

Shit, that rant went off the rails. Sorry. Anyway, you gotta give the people that freakshow Tails and ol’ purple hardo Knuckles in the Mini just because the entire Genesis franchise was built around Sonic and friends. Altered Beast was an absolute must have (The dragon is basically a cheat code in that game). Now that I am older, I feel like I would appreciate ToeJam & Earl’s interesting humor a lot more since they are the Rone and Caleb of video games. I’m sure Ecco The Dolphin was a fine game that turned countless people into Miami Dolphins fans like Flipper turned Frank The Tank into Frankie Phins Fan. But I never fucked with it because I wanted violence out of my game system back then.

A few more game thoughts:

– Piggybacking off that previous point, if the Genesis Mini doesn’t have Streets of Rage 2, just throw all the Minis that have already been made onto that French beach where all those old Garfield phones have been washing up because nobody is going to buy them.

– That goes double for Revenge of Shinobi. I imagine there were other Shinobi games that were great, but number 2 was my jam. People talk all the time about how great certain comic book universe crossovers would be. Well Shinobi beat the bag off of Spider-Man AND Batman back in the 90s.

– I bet you think this blog is going to be all about games I want on the Genesis Mini.

Remember that old video game featuring the pop star that was so big he was damn near royalty? Yeah well his game, which was already creepy at the time because all you did was rescue kids by doing dance moves, can take a long walk off a short pier.

There was probably not a great chance that would have made the cut considering it would have gotten to get clearance from his estate. But there is a better chance of Dave Portnoy hosting next year’s Deadspin awards than that game being on the Genesis Mini in 2019.

– This is about as nerdy a sentence as you will read on this site outside of a few Bob Fox blogs, but Phantasy Star II is maybe the best RPG of that generation that still holds up today and playing it changed me life. Was it a good change since I am a smut blogger writing about old video games despite being in my 30s? That’s for you to decide.

– I’ll admit this is clearly just the kid in me looking to relive old memories, but I wish they could include the Mortal Kombat games just for the rush of putting in the blood code (ABACABB, recited that by memory no big deal) so you could virtually murder your buddies in extremely graphic fashion.

Reminder of how lame that shit was on the bloodless SNES:

– Just like with Mortal Kombat, I want one of the NHL games included, even if the NHLPA won’t let the game use old player’s names or likenesses, just so I can make Gretzky’s head bleed one last time.

I doubt there will be any old sports games because of licensing and whatnot. But an old NBA Jam, the underrated College Slam, or even an NBA Live where the announcer said “THREE” after every three pointer would be much appreciated.

That sound was actually a big deal back in the day, which makes me feel really old

– Golden Axe I and II need to be on there because they are both awesome games and because the girls on the box covers turned countless boys into men, including the “man” writing this blog.

– Earthworm Jim was a thing, right? I feel like he was. I didn’t play that game at all, but I feel like a lot of people loved that silly asshole.

The 90s were weird, man.

– This is probably wrong, but I’m feel like Battletoads has been on every retro console every released. No reason that shouldn’t continue with the Genesis Mini.

– Reminder: Columns was the shit.

And by “the shit” I mean Tetris For Dummies, which is why my dumbass loved it. I really hope it’s included.

– I doubt Disney gives a fuck about putting their games on a retro console since they have basically collected every infinity stone there is for entertainment, but all three of these games were big fire back in the day.

– Speaking of Marvel, I remember the old X-Men game being incredible, though that was probably because I was a total comic book nerd that got had a weekly comic subscription and considered the X-Men cartoon the finest show in the history of television.

– I doubt any games from the ill-fated Sega CD will be included, but I remember playing Night Trap when I was a kid and it felt like a porno because my hormones were exploding like the 4th of July.

Enough about the games. Lets get into the actual hardware, which thankfully doesn’t include the Sega CD for another billion dollars.

Based on the Model 1 Genesis, the mini console is about 55 percent smaller than the original and comes with two classic three-button controllers, a USB-to-Micro-B power cable, and an HDMI cable. If you live in America, a power adapter will also come with it.

So Sega obviously decided to continue with the trend of being cute and small since it is called the Mini. But I wouldn’t have hated a comically huge Genesis that was massive like that gigantic Gameboy that makes its rounds on Twitter every so often.

The Genesis Absolute Unit would have cost more money but goddamn it would have been hilarious. I also respect Sega for keeping the headphone jack and volume in there for the 5 or so losers on the entire planet that actually used it (I have no clue if this is true but for some reason I just thought nerds would use that).

You can’t really tell how long the controller wires are, but hopefully they are longer than the NES Classic’s wires, which were no longer than 6 inches in my mind.

I guess the 6 button controller isn’t coming out at release, which is a good thing since I was impossible to beat in any fighting game with it. And while we are talking controllers, I’d be remiss if I didn’t say FUCK wires. There are many things about old school gaming that I romanticize in my mind about old gaming because I love nostalgia. But dealing with controller wires getting tangled or kicked or not being long enough is one of the things our kids will never have to worry about. The world may be completely fucked, but at least they have wireless video games while living in a dystopian world straight out of Player One, which was another nostalgia superboner.