I, For One, Would Like To Welcome Our New Amazon Overlords

There are three ways to process this video. One is to run around screaming like Chicken Little about the slow destruction of our world as a capitalistic superpower follows up conquering all of the world’s economies by conquering all of the world’s militaries by flexing their financial muscle as well as simply flipping the switch of those drones from Delivery to Destroy.

Another is to get ahead of all those screaming idiots, accept your fate, and bend the knee to your new ruler, which I would like to do right now. I have been #TeamBezos from almost literally Day 1 because I was shopping on Amazon back when it was just a fucking book store instead of slinging everything under the sun thanks to Mama Clem being in on the company early. Her account number is probably in the double digits in the Amazon mainframe. I also begged Jeff to buy the Knicks, was crushed when he pulled HQ2 from NYC, and said on the record (blog) that Jeff Bezos is the last person on Earth I would want to make a mortal enemy out of. And that was before he had a blimp straight from Dr. Evil’s garage.

And the third is to take all of this in while also realizing that the video is a fake.

But just because that blimp doesn’t exist NOW doesn’t mean it won’t exist in a year, a decade, or whenever Project Badyear is complete. Being able to take over the world is easy work compared to getting people to pay more than $100 for “free” 2-day delivery or having the ability to deliver 10 items that have nothing to do with each other in that 2 days frame. When the revolution arrives, and make no mistake it is coming, the only people that will be spared will those that pledged their allegiance to the planet’s first true ruler. And that man will be Jeff Bezos.

Oops, that’s a picture of legendary supervillain Lex Luthor, the man obsessed with the thought of world domination and killing Superman. My bad.