Dan Katz: Psychopath or Genuis?

Everyone knows and loves Big Cat. Some have even thrown around the word “adore.” But I’m not here to talk to you about that guy. I’m here to discuss the man behind the cat: Dan. Dan Katz is a terror. That’s a guy you have to keep one eye on at all hours of each day. He’s capable of absolutely anything. Hijinks? You betcha. Sack whacks? By the dozen. Cheeseball consumption innovator? Potentially. Potentially not. I am not judge, jury, nor executioner on this case. I’m just an unbiased observer of the Dan Katz Experience here to present the facts.

Fact #1. The Man Has Clearly Ingested Many Cheeseballs In His Life

This is not a barb towards his physique but merely an assumption. No one, and I mean no one, would see that quantity of balls and think a fork was the necessary tool for the task at hand. This is a seasoned veteran of the game who simply just does not wish for a crusting of orange dust to envelop his fingers.

Fact #2. I Called 9-1-1

They told me this was not an emergency. I disagreed. They sent police anyways, mostly to yell at me for wasting their time and that my tax dollars did not mean I was their boss. I disagreed again. They would not “take the bad man away” and have blocked my number for future potential emergencies such as this. I will be calling the mayor over the weekend as is tradition.

Fact #3. Impeccable Hand-Eye Coordination

This was not his first nor his last cheeseball ingested via plastic fork. Those eyes fixated so perfectly on those balls. That thing was never headed anywhere except the largest hole in his head. Grit. Determination. Execution. Katz.

Those are all the facts I’ve gathered for you here today. I’ll let the fine folks at home decide whether or not this is an act of lunacy or merely just another look into the mind of a genius at work. It’s often been said the difference between a maniac and a luminary is so thin that the lines are often blurred and perhaps that’s what we’ve stumbled upon here.