Grading The Men Who Dressed As Women At Last Night's Met Gala

I’m not going to pretend I know or understand fashion because I don’t, but I’m sure I’m not the only one who noticed the number of men who chose to dress in a particularly effeminate manor at last night’s Met Gala. I’m not saying it’s wrong or right, fashion is subjective and I couldn’t care less how someone chooses to dress, but it’s worth pointing out because it’s becoming a trend. And before you get mad at me for saying they ‘dressed like women’  understand that I don’t give a shit. Traditionally men don’t wear dresses so when you see a man wearing one, it catches your attention. Especially when that man is a celebrity. That’s the whole point. To each their own. Moving on….

Like any fashion event, some of these guys looked like goobers and others looked great. Let’s start with the goobers.

Keinyan Lonsdale played the kid who made out with Simon in the movie, Love Simon. Last night he decided to dress like a green screen actor doing a middle school origami project.

Why? I don’t know, but it was embarrassing how hard he tried. The whole thing made me wanna puke. The dress wasn’t even the worst part- it was the hair. The last time I saw that color was in a Spencer’s Gifts at the Emerald Square Mall. He’s been known to push the boundaries of fashion so it’s on par, but overall it was a disaster.

Grade: F – 

Next up is Jordan Roth. For those of you who don’t know who he is (all of you), he’s the president and majority owner of Jujamcyn Theaters. He dressed like a Christmas tree skirt last night. If you look closely at his dress, you can see that the print is actually the inside of (I’m assuming) one of his theaters.

That said, it’s an ugly theater. The only reason I’m not giving him an F is because I respect the ego trip. He’s a theater guy, he wants people to know he’s into theater – I get it. He also must have massive delts to be able to hold an entire pipe and drape system up for that long.

Grade: D+ 

Full time fashionista and part time football player OBJ was also in attendance. He wore a cute knee-high skirt with a chunky black boot. I wouldn’t have even noticed he was in a dress if it weren’t for his socks not matching. Which leads me to believe he doesn’t actually care about the Met which makes him that much cooler. Overall it wasn’t great, but it wasn’t bad. It was average.

 Grade: C 

The guy who made the most splash last night was Harry Styles.

If I were to grade his face, he’d get an A. I still sweat when I think of him in Dunkirk. His outfit, however, leaves something to be desired. Either dress like a slut or don’t. Everyone would’ve been cool if your entire outfit was lace. It’s like he couldn’t make up his mind,  his tits are out but he’s a nun from the waist down. He’s also wearing the same earrings my grandma wore to her funeral. I appreciate his pose and him buying into the character, but the bottom line is that Harry could’ve and should’ve done more. The one good thing he did all night was stand next to Alessadro Michele, Gucci’s creative director.

I can’t grade his outfit because the scale doesn’t go that low.

Grade: B

Michael Urie also turned heads at the Gala.

Grade: Undecided

In my opinion, Billy Porter stole the show. Everything about his entrance was so ridiculous you have to respect it.

He got carried in like Xerxes from 300 and looked like him too.

I loved everything about it. He didn’t take things too seriously, but he knew he looked fantastic.  I also loved how he made the models wear the metal face masks from Taken so all the attention would be on him and not on their abs. The man is a pro.

Grade: A +

See you next year.