Oklahoma's #2 Lawyer Pays Bar Association Via Poop-Smeared Check

 OHHHHHHHHH-kla-homa where the lawyer smears doo-doo when he payyyyys…

From AboveTheLaw.com –

Oklahoma defense attorney Mark Bailey is under fire in Oklahoma for, among other things, taking a poop-stained check to the offices of the Oklahoma Bar Association and asking that it be delivered directly to a staff member of the OBA General Counsel’s office:

When the check was delivered, the complaint said the check had a “pinched indentation and there was a brown, damp smear across its front.”….

The complaint said test results confirmed the substance on the check was fecal matter.

First of all, the ‘damp’ part bowled me over. Second, knowing he’s a fancy lawyer I can’t imagine Bailey actually touched his own poop at any point, so I assume he did more of a hands-free carpet-scoot over the check; the classy way.

Bailey was also arrested for assault and battery after allegedly running his car into a woman over a parking space a couple years back, but in all these stories that understandably gets second billing compared to “fecal matter check,” because what’s a little “menacing with grievous injury” compared to scatological payments?

For his part, Bailey denies any wrongdoing, but the defense outlined in the disciplinary complaint raises even more questions:

The complaint said Bailey and his paralegal went to the office of the General Counsel. It said “Bailey denied there was anything nefarious about the check.”

His paralegal said “the checkbook had fallen between Bailey’s car seats and that the brown substance was already smeared on the check at the time she filled it in for Bailey’s signature.”

Ah, the old, “I know you think that’s my own feces but it’s just a doo doo-esque substance that festers between my car seats” defense… Haven’t used that one in a long time. And I can’t imagine being this guy’s paralegal & having your boss ask you to cover up for taking a dumper on a Bar Association payment that way.

“Listen, I’ve done uh, ‘a solid’, and now I’m going to need you to do me a solid as well.”

Wanting to know what sort of lawyer he was, I found his website & Twitter that lists Bailey as an expert in ‘sex crimes, drug offenses, violent crimes and post conviction situations’.

His posts are sparse but he also seems like a man of the people who wants them to get the compensation they deserve.

Back to the matter at (and possibly all over the) hand; whether the feces on the check was intentional or not, the tests prove it *was* indeed the real deal. Electing myself as jury & looking at the strange past behavior & asking the check be handed to one specific person right away, I’m going with guilty. He quite literally did that shit.