The Mets Announce That Yoenis Cespedes Broke His Fucking Ankle In A Ranch Accident. Wait, What?!!!

What in the actual FUCK was that? Is this real life? How did we go into this press conference where every Mets fan thought we would potentially be getting Mickey Callaway’s head on a spike and instead were told that Yoenis Cespedes suffered a broken ankle at his ranch while Callaway GETS A VOTE OF CONFIDENCE after being swept away by the Marlins as the Mets fade after a hot start for the 2nd season in a row. The season has officially gone full Mets and it’s not even Memorial Day. I went from being optimistic about this team to hoping for the best to outright hating myself for allowing them to do this to me every single year. A ranch accident!!!!!

Now if you want to spinzone all of this, we initially heard that Yo broke both of his ankles in a freak mishap at his ranch, which would have been very on brand for the Mets.

Turns out it was just one ankle, so I guess you could say everything is coming up Mets!

Oh yeah and in case the dream of the EXACT player the Mets needed returning during the season going up in flames because he obliterated his ankle on his fucking ranch wasn’t bad enough, we also lost the only person in the bullpen Mets fans trust getting to Edwin Diaz.

Fuck this team. Fuck this manager. Fuck this GM. Fuck this ownership. Fuck everything.

See you guys on Twitter with the rest of the support group at 7:10.