Letter from Patriots Camp, Volume 1

Another summer, another late July trip down to the Devil’s Anvil that is the fields behind Gillette Stadium to sweat through my underpants watching 90 rehearse football. I’ve been going to Patriots training camp practices since sometime in the early 90s when they were at Bryant College in Smithfield, RI.

So I’ve witnessed first hand things like the utter hopelessness and despair of the Rod Rust/Dick MacPherson era. Watched the “Junction Boys”-like military precision of the Bill Parcells teams. Kept track of which latitude of Parcells’ gut he was putting the elastic waistband of his shorts on any given day. I saw first hand Terry Glenn winning the Tour de Sidelines on a stationary bike as he faked injury in his infamous 2001 contract ploy. In the early 2000s I started taking my kids for the rarest of all events for a parent: A day of entertaining your family that costs zero dollars. And sometime around 2006-07 I started writing practice reports for Barstool. Here is what will be the first of a few for this year’s camp:

— The first observation is that we are still in that stage of the offseason where they’re using the bizarro uniform number system for rookies that began last year after the NFL criminalized the use of blank practice shirts. So all the draft picks have numbers in the 50s, in order they were drafted. So you’re treated to rare sights like Jarrett Stidham in a red non-contact QB jersey No. 58 and so on. I’m assuming the league will crack down on this as well for giving New England some kind of undefined competitive advantage when they play Houston in December. Otherwise, look for Belichick to start assigning rookie numbers that can only be determined by calling him on a ham radio and singing “Neverending Story.”

— As far as the rookies go, N’Keal Harry had a rough start to camp, particularly on Day 2 when Brady was given the traditional Red Sox Veteran Spring Training “Maintenance” Day off. He lined up in the wrong spot on consecutive 11 on 11 snaps and the whole offense had to take a lap. You can worry about how that’s an indication Harry’s head isn’t into his playbook or he’s struggling to grasp the concepts or something, but that’s 2006 talking. The immediate benefit of his mess-ups is how they give the coaches the chance to re-establish how it doesn’t matter where you were drafted or how much you’re getting paid. If you Chad Jackson your way around here, you’ll be gone in short order. Anyway, by Sunday he was error free and caught a ball from Brady on a nice, precise flat route. So, baby steps.

— Last week I mentioned the most Patriotsy move of camp so far, giving Danny Etling a chance to make the roster by making the Golden Flashes Julian Edelman switch to wide receiver. It’s hard to say how it’s going so far, other than he looks good running drills and hand-catching passes out of his breaks. I haven’t seen him targeted much with defenders on him, so it remains to be seen if he can defeat coverage.

— Other, slightly more orthodox moves of pieces around the chessboard include Jamie Collins up on the line of scrimmage at times, Chase Winovich switching back and forth from both defensive end spots on the same series, and Joe Thuney taking reps at left tackle. That last one I think has as much to do with making sure everyone on the O-line understands all the reads as it does just bringing Isaiah Wynn along slowly as we’re now 49 weeks removed from his Achilles snapping like a pretzel rod in on a non-contact play.

— The biggest story of the day Sunday was the World Patriots Premiere of Michael Bennett, who had been excused from the first three days for personal reasons. I make it a policy to never speculate what “personal reasons” might be. Partly because you never know what kind of tragedy someone might be dealing with. But mostly because I have a workaholic buddy who once got yelled at for using a personal day to go golfing by a boss who has no idea what the word “personal” means. Anyway, Bennett was asked about Belichick giving him the time he requested. “When you have a boss that respects you like a man, it’s easy to go out and play for him,” he said. “I think for me, it’s easy to look him in the eye and whatever he asks me to do, I’ll do it simply because he respects me as a human being. I respect that.” In other words, I have a middle class friend who worked for a guy who’s a more severe, unforgiving, ball-busting taskmaster than Bill Belichick.

— The funny thing about Bennett’s arrival is that for a good hour or so of practice, he did next to nothing. I’m not saying he was like the Welsh kicker from “The Replacements,” walking around ripping cigs and bitching to Shane Falco about the money he cost him losing the Sugar Bowl by 45 points. But he might have been the only one standing in the sun not breaking a sweat. That is, until the line drills started. There, he dominated everyone they threw against him. Including defeating double teams. Next to Gronk’s retirement, this team’s only significant loss was Trey Flowers. And while I’m not going to get out over my skis after just one practice, but there’s a very decent chance they upgraded that position.

— Sunday’s other peak moment came in a drill where Brady handed the ball off to a running back and for whatever reason Belichick screamed “No fucking run! No fucking run!” while Kyle Van Noy started yapping at Brady, who yapped back and called out Jerod Mayo. Unfortunately he video’s been taken down or I’d post it. But you could hear Belichick’s screaming like a car alarm from 100 yards away. Or it might just be that after all these camps I’m tuned into his voice’s frequency the way a mom can pick out the sound of her child crying at a kid’s party from the other end of the yard.

— On a personal note, I had a “You’ve Made It” moment when I got approached by Pat Patriot, in all his giant headed, costumed glory to thank me for my service. You’ll be happy to note he looks like he’s recovered nicely from his near death experience at the hands of the Jets’ Jamal Adams. Anyway, if his mouth allowed him the capacity for speech he would want me to thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. That’s what I read in his expressionless, plastic eyes.

— As far as Gronk’s replacement goes, Sunday they ran a series of 5-on-5s specifically designed to get the ball to the tight ends, giving them all an even number of targets. Brady hit Lance Kendricks on a slant, Ben Watson on a cross and Stephen Anderson on something and Matt LaCosse on some other thing. Later in goal line on 11-on-11s, Brian Hoyer overthrew Watson and it was picked by Obi Melifonwu. But for now it looks like they’re going to try to not ignore the whole tight end depth chart like a collection of Dwayne Allens.

— Pat Chung is wearing a red jersey, no doubt the result of his forearm dying a hero in the Super Bowl six months ago. So his role for now seems to be that he does whatever he wants. Not in the sense of a bratty 16-year-old with no dad who lives by her own rules on “The Maury Povich Show.” But more like they had him taking tosses at the running back spot in a drill designed to work on defensive backs filling gaps. One of the great wishes I have for this year is that Jamie Collins 2.0 is as big an upgrade as Chung’s return has been. He’s been the best upgrade of a sequel from its original since “Aliens.”

— In 11s, two depth guys brought the house down in the crowded bleachers. One was Braxton Berrios, catching a deep ball from Brady. The other was Brandon Bolden, punching it in on an outside zone in goal line. When the crowd is going nuts for a 5-9 sophomore who missed last season and a returning depth running back/Special Teamer who handed this team its worst lost of 2018 with two touchdowns, that is proof that Pink Hattism is rare at these practices.

— God bless anyone with the patience to sit there in the media tent and chart every, single one of the practice reps (I’d seriously rather be the middle man in a Human Centipede), but reportedly Stephon Gilmore has only been targeted twice and hasn’t given up a completion.

— As far as the other cornerback spot, one would assume Jason McCourty will be your starter, but JC Jackson has looked even better than last year with another off-season of experience. The underappreciated Jonathan Jones is getting reps mainly in the slot. And I’m rooting hard for Duke Dawson to make me look even more like a genius for successfully predicting they’d draft him. Corner is by far the deepest position on this roster, with a 12-pack Summer Sampler of skill sets that tells me the spot opposite Gilmore will be a week-to-week, matchup specific thing.

— At wide receiver depth, Dontrell Inman and Maurice Harris each had 28 receptions in 2018, for Indy and Washington, respectively. They’re both 6-3, 205. But that’s where the similarities end. Inman has been invisible while Harris has looked like he’s been in this system for years and doesn’t drop passes. Harris is also four years younger. He’s not about to make anyone reset the board in their Fantasy Draft War Room. But he’s jumped out to a huge lead over Inman and Demaryius Thomas for a roster spot behind Edelman, Harry and Phillip Dorsett.

— Sunday Belichick was hanging out on the sidelines with Brad Stevens, Jayson Tatum and, from what I was told, Nick Nurse from the Raptors. I get that Belichick and Stevens are buds from way back. But I guess now when you win a championship, the reward is you get an audience with The Hooded One, in the way champions used to visit the White House before everyone started hating everything. Not a bad consolation prize, getting to meet the most powerful man in the world.

— On one last personal note, today is 14 years to the day since I took my sons to one of those Free Family Fun Day camp visits. It was 2005, and they each got Doug Flutie’s autograph. And the US military was down there doing a Touch-a-Truck. It must have made an impression because the kid looking through this piece of artillery was firing off the real thing for the United States Marines a few years later:

And the quarterback who’s jersey he’s wearing is at practice today. Who could’ve seen either of those happening? Not me, that’s for damned sure. #StillHere