Random Observations from Pats Preseason Game 1

Here are just a few random, hastily assembled notes from last night’s Patriots fauxball game against Detroit, while acknowledging that it’s preseason for everyone. Players, coaches, officials, bloggers and, apparently, the equipment guys. As always, these are impressions, not conclusions:

— For the purposes of fake football, I don’t care about the scoreboard. If it was up to me, I’d turn off everything but the game clock to cut down on global warming. Or replace the score with a message that says “If you care about these numbers, seek help” with the contact info for Gambler’s Anonymous. I don’t even care that the Pats outgained the Lions 460 yards to 94 yards, impressive as that is. I really just try to focus on how individuals and various units looked in their first life fire exercise. Though by all of these measurements this was an astonishing ass kicking.

— First and foremost, the McOffense has really struggled in camp, particularly in the first half dozen practices or so. Which is always hard to get a handle on because you can’t tell if it’s because there’s not enough talent there or if it’s a reflection on how stacked the defense is. Well right now it looks like it’s the latter and not the former. Throughout joint practices in Michigan the Pats receivers had a much easier time against Lions defenders than their own. And in the game, even more so. It looked like they’ve benefited from facing a tough, deep, talented secondary and linebacking corps in Foxboro every day. The equivalent of swinging a weighted bat in the on-deck circle. Steel sharpening steel and all that.

— I’d issue the obligatory disclaimer here that you shouldn’t get too excited by what someone does in a preseason game because it doesn’t mean much in the long run and past performance is not indicative of future results. But I’m not selling you a mutual fund. To hell with not getting overly excited. I was all on on Zach Sudfeld a few years back, who was released and couldn’t cut it with the Jets. And don’t get me going on Bam Childress or Austin Carr. Yes, they all amounted to nothing. But I don’t regret for one second the August joy they brought me as I convinced myself they were the next great discoveries. Summer is too short not to delude yourself over nothing. So dream away.

— This was preseason Patriots ball at its best. Brandon Bolden getting more carries than he’ll see all year. The core veterans all standing safely on the sidelines. Dante Scarnecchia coaching up guys who’ll be doing telemarketing by Labor Day. Rookies and other assorted noobs doing all the heavy lifting. In four weeks we’ll have forgotten it ever happened thanks to that goldfish memory this time of year brings. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t ear to ear the entire time.

— With all due respect to Brian Hoyer going 12 for 14, I’ll start with Jarrett Stidham. I won’t pretend to know how his performance will rate when they’re sitting in the meeting room with the white board and the game tape running. But from the comfort of my Lay-Z-Boy it was hard to find the flaws. He looked poised. Like he had a comfort level with the scheme. Took snaps under center and in the gun. Made all the throws. A perfect toss to Jakobi Meyers on that deep dig where Bolden stayed home in protection and he had plenty of time and patiently let Meyers cross the corner’s face to come open in front of the single high safety. He threw a beautiful ball on a Go to Maurice Harris that should’ve been flagged for a DPI. Hit Dontrelle Inman on a quick slant in the red zone. Made a nice boundary throw to Ryan Izzo, followed by hitting Braxton Berrios sitting down under a deep zone. He checked a lot of boxes in terms of his arm and accuracy.

— More to the point, he seemed to have command of the offense. When given time to throw, he went through progressions to find his second and third options. When the pocket collapsed he was able to get outside and pick up yards (good) or throw it away and live to see another play (even better). But to me his best throw was the one in the 3rd quarter where he found himself right in the path of an oncoming rusher, stood his ground, hit Berrios for about 15 yards without throwing it up for grabs, then absorbed the hit. That was a veteran play. So far, so very good.

— Studham’s co-winner of the MTV Breakthrough Performance Award was unquestionably Meyers. He’s played as well as any receiver has in camp against the Pats secondary, and last night the Lions DBs were barely competitive against him. He’s got that indefinable, practically unteachable knack for getting open.  Some of that is just physical strength, hand fighting to keep defenders from locking onto him. But some of it is just IQ. Being innately aware of where the gaps in the coverage are and getting to them.

— My favorite moment of Meyers’ came just before his first touchdown. He was split wide as the Z-receiver and hand-signaled to Hoyer. He then proceeded to get inside his defender, ran and in-cut, then made the grab as he got hit by the linebacker. That signal – waving his outside hand behind his back – tells me he’s got a grasp of the communication that has eluded a lot of veterans, from Doug Gabriel to Joey Galloway to Chad DieciseisCatcho.

— Then on that first TD, he was being grabbed and held and arm-barred, but still had the field awareness to show his numbers to Hoyer and the hands to hold onto the ball. His second was him simply shaking coverage with his footwork, gaining two full steps of separation in about six steps total. And to think the only reason he went undrafted was he was 34th out of 37 wideouts in his 40-time at the Indianapolis Kennel Club Show. If he looks this good in the regular season, the Federal government might have to bail out America’s stopwatch industry.

— It’s interesting to watch how Josh McDaniels is utilizing his new tight end corps, now with 100% less Gronk. Which is by pretty much using them the way he did when they were Oodles of Gronk. He ran a lot of 2-tight end groupings. Ran Matt LaCosse on a deep seam route that was wide open (here’s hoping he’s OK because that looked nasty as hell when he first went down clutching his leg). He ran Ben Watson and Izzo on shallow crosses. None of those guys are exactly what you’d call uncoverable. But McDaniels moved the pieces around his Risk board well enough for them to be effective, at least.

— Again, fake football. But the linebacking unit looks impressive as hell. And these were just the “depth” guys. It’s incredible when you think about what a problem area that looked like going into last season. And now with Dont’a Hightower and Kyle Van Noy not even needing to throw their uniforms in the hamper after the game, they’ve got enough LBs to deploy a 3-4 front. Jamie Collins had a sack on a speed rush to the outside from the ROLB spot where he went in untouched. Ju’Whaun Bentley had a sack from another alignment that saw one down lineman and he and Collins double blitzing the A-gaps. John Simon was effective from the LOLB, and his interception came from him showing coverage but then delay blitzing. And that No. 90 who isn’t even listed on the team’s website is Shilique Calhoun, from Michigan State by way of the Raiders, and even he was making plays. First getting a sack when he penetrated with a rip move on the right tackle who was way more focused on Simon and making the diving ankle tackle, and on the next play driving the tackle into the quarterback like he was a blocking sled while Derek Rivers finished the play.

— Don’t sleep on the fact that they can roll out that many linebackers in part because Danny Shelton and Adam Butler can account for two gaps each. Shelton re-signing here was the most pleasant surprise of the off-season that no one is talking about.

— And I don’t know if you missed it because the TV coverage didn’t focus in on it, but around the start of the 4th quarter the Dolphins hired Jerod Mayo to be their head coach.

— I think it’s as good a time as any for the Cult of Chase Winovich to begin its worship services, because he is going to be a folk hero. His motor is as nonstop and high octane as advertised. He showed some of the best get-off, quick-twitch moves we’ve seen around here in years, particularly on that sack when he got under the tackle’s block while keeping his ass up and his weight balanced. But there are no pass rush specialists in the Belichick defense, so it was especially encouraging to see him do other things. Fight off blocks to hold his ground on edge runs. Bump the tight end to keep him from getting into his route before rushing the passer, both of which messed up the timing of a play and resulted in an incompletion. Even if his role is just to be a rotational/situational edge defender behind Michael Bennett, his reps are going to be appointment television.

— I love how when Brady and Hoyer were hanging out on the sidelines listening to the helmet radio and looking over the Microsoft tablet, Danny Etling was always nearby. Football players are like animals on the African savannah, always gathering in herds with their own species. Etling still thinks he’s a lion even though he’s switched to gazelle.

— This won’t move the needle for too many people, so CAUTION: Reading this may cause you to swallow your tongue from boredom. But I really liked what I saw out of Hjalte Froholdt, who played left guard most of the game. He wasn’t in there laying beatdowns on anyone and no one ended up on their earhole. But he has sound technique. Keeps his feet under him at all times and always seemed to be on the correct side of his block without having to reach. He got out in front of that early screen pass to Bolden to free him up for a big gain. Froholdt had that one penalty (“Froholding”? I’ll work on it. …), but he looks like he gives them depth on the interior line. Anyway, he’s already my favorite player of all time among the subset of NFL players who grew up in Denmark.

— Joejuan Williams is who we thought he was. A big, physical corner who isn’t afraid to stick his facemask into ballcarriers. But who also needs to work on the subtle art of not slamming receivers to the ground five yards out of bounds. Still I liked his coverage overall. He got beat once on that ball where they challenged the DPI non-call. (Hell yeah, are those reviews going to make for some action-packed, viewer-friendly excitement!) But recovered to break up the pass. Cornerback is by far the deepest position on this roster and hopefully it will stay that way.

— If Honey Nut Berrios makes the roster by being the full time kick returner, that will spark Marie Kondo-like joy in me.

— After some oft-talked about (and probably grossly exaggerated) struggles early in camp, N’Keal Harry played solid enough

But Maurice Harris looks like the next Patriot to cash in for ridiculous amounts of money on some 5-11 team next year. That one-handed grab in the end zone while fighting off coverage with his other hand probably made him $2 million in Arizona Cardinalsbucks.

I’ll die before I wish a summer away. But God help me, I’m glad this is back.