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Can I be honest about something? Im not sure about the science of a queef. I dont know what makes it happen. Is it the same with a regular fart? Do you eat some chili and then get a really gassy vagina? Ive never asked because I get scared to look silly and that shouldn’t happen during the internet age. It’s an easy question that invokes so much fear in the heart of men and we can never get a straight answer.

Does chili make you have a farty pussy? It’s a simple yes or no.

Anyway, I’m not here to judge any couple about their sexual proclivities. May a thousand blossoms bloom as far as Im concerned but I need to know if this works. Can you blow into a vagina like you are blowing up a swan pool float and hear a fart when you gently push on her belly? Furthermore, does the sound get higher pitched if you push slower? Like weeeeeeeezzzzzz. Is this for laughs or is this sexual? Need to know.

Would it work better if you used one of those old-timey fire puffers?

If you have any idea, please let me know on twitter.com/unclechaps