STUDY: People Who Use Emojis In Texts Have More Sex

(source)–Using emojis in text messages can enhance the odds of relationship and sexual success, a scientific study has found. Researchers at The Kinsey Institute conducted two separate studies on the graphic icons to see the impact they had on people’s lives.

They surveyed more than 5,000 participants for the annual Singles In America paper, then followed it up with a second analysis of 275 adults. Together, they showed a direct correlation between emojis and sex. 

Modern relationship-seekers must master faster and shorter methods of communicating self-disclosure and affect,’ the study’s authors noted.

‘We find that the use of emojis allows daters to communicate important affective information to potential partners which facilitates successful intimate connection and more romantic and sexual opportunities.’    

Looks like everything we were taught in school and by pop culture was DEAD wrong. Shakespeare sonnets…dead. Love songs…out. Love letters…probably laughed at in the girl’s group chat. One of the most famous scenes in recent romance movie history

would today be met with this

If you want to get laid you don’t even need words anymore. It’s a great age to be a semi-literate moron. The way to have sex is through sexually suggestive little digital cartoons. Now all you need to do is navigate the chain that goes from

to

to this if you’re lucky.

Credit to the 21st century for streamlining communication and maximizing efficiency. Why did language ever get invented in the first place? Probably to convince cave chicks to have sex with us. And after 400,000+ years of evolution and technological development we have it boiled down to swiping and emojis. No generation has ever had courtship figured out better than us right now. Don’t waste time, get to the point. That’s what people want in 2019 and the sooner you perfect that mode of communication the sooner you’ll…

PS: This entire blog is under 350 words so yeah…sup