Gas Station Boner Pills Are Causing MLB Players To Fail Drug Test For Performance Enhancing Drugs

Major League Baseball in a memo warned about the “very real risk” of over-the-counter sexual-enhancement pills after at least two players this year were suspended for performance-enhancing drugs and claimed the banned substances found in their urine came from the unregulated products, sources familiar with the situation told ESPN.

The use of over-the-counter pills, which are often purchased at gas stations is prevalent among baseball players, according to multiple sources. It prompted the league to send out a memo on Monday that outlines the risk of consuming non-NSF-certified supplements.

The memo, obtained by ESPN, warns that “these products are often contaminated with prohibited and unsafe ingredients” and that players are subject to discipline even if they inadvertently ingested a banned substance.

Baseball players are on the road a lot. Let’s just get that out in the open. As such, you get horny because you are away from your spouse or significant others. Honest to god, how many ways can you beat your own dick into submission without being bored out of your hotel robe?

Well, sometimes you have to switch it up. So what do you do? Watch some super weird shit that you’re gonna regret and have to tell your priest about? No. You head down to the ole gas station, see a pill that has some rock-hard cock on it and buy a couple for you and the fellas to try out.

Next thing you know, the entire team is calling each other and laughing hysterically about how hard they came. One guy said he felt like his dick was going to split in half. One guy said he came so hard that his nut flew over his computer screen and landed on his own chin. It was hilarious and made the team blooper reel for the season because Jim said the exit velocity on his nut was higher than anything he hit all season.

You don’t buy it because it helps you hit dingers. You buy it because you wanna fill the hotel rag with as much of the gravy of life as possible.

Leave them alone about it. If the balls are juiced, their balls should be de-juiced any way they want. That’s the squeeze, folks.