A Surfer Catches Air and Lands on a Shark. Not Surprisingly, Things Do Not Go Well for Him.

Source – A surfer went airborne and landed on shark that bit him in New Smyrna Beach

Donald Walsh, a chiropractor, said he was not expecting to land on a shark and get bitten when he caught air on a wave while surfing at the inlet in New Smyrna Beach on Tuesday.

But that’s what happened around 11:55 a.m. in the 2800 block of Atlantic Avenue, said officials with Volusia County Beach Safety Ocean Rescue. …

He had been surfing for several hours and was about to call it a day but then decided to catch the last couple of waves. He was not very good at going airborne but he thought it would be good try before leaving the ocean, he said.

“I never did see the shark as I was coming down,” Walsh said. “I did see it after the bite happened.”

Walsh said the shark bit him in the left calf and shin and on four fingers of his left hand.

Cry me a river, Surfer Boy.

I’m not usually one to blame the victim. And 99.9% of the time I’ll gladly take the side of the human in any beef with a shark. You might accuse me of being speiciesist or xenophobic toward aquatic predators, but I don’t care. I try to stick by my own kind. But this is that 0.1% exception.

Donald Walsh isn’t a victim. He’s not Chrissy Watkins or Ben Gardner or the Little Kinter Boy, God forbid.

Donald Walsh drew first blood. That shark was in his home. In his own element, minding his own business, as far as we know. When all of a sudden a couple of hundred pounds of human flesh dropped on his head out of nowhere. We don’t even know if the shark in question has an understanding of what’s above the ocean. It’s possible he never even broke the surface in his little fish life. Because why would he? Having a surfer fall on him in the middle of the day would be like you sitting in your living room when a meatloaf gets teleported onto your lap from another dimension. What are you going to do? Run out of your apartment, or eat the meatloaf? Exactly.

In the matter of Donald Walsh vs. Shark, Judge Thornton acquits the defendant and finds the victim 100% guilty. Stop floating around on a serving tray and jumping on innocent sea carnivores or plan on getting eaten. Call the next case.