NSFW: Why I Will NOT Be Plugging My Vagina Into The World Series Action With This 'SeriesCast' Vibrator
I know Hubbs already blogged about the SeriesCast device but I feel more invested in this story. For reasons.
Here’s a closer look at that email which, going off Twitter, it appears CamSoda sent out to sports journalists across the country this week:
C’monnnnn strikes, triples & home runs….
Being a ‘dark-bar 6.6′ with confidence & pizazz has worked out fine, but it has been difficult to break my vagina into the pro sports world given the bone-structure cards I’ve been dealt. Thankfully the folks over at CamSoda have figured out a way to get my genitals into the MLB action with a way to ‘feel the game’.
The ‘Lovesense Lush’ below is linked to your cell phone via BlueTooth, and linked to your genitals via uh, body openings & such, and once you use your phone to pick which team you want things get shakin':
But why are they doing such a thing?? Let’s revisit part of that email…
From the CamSoda site:
“While baseball is America’s pastime, it has been plagued by complaints from people who think the pace of play is too slow and, quite frankly, boring. And while the league has taken measures to speed up the game – introduction of instant replay, enforcing the timing clock, limiting mound visits, to name a few – it still leaves much to be desired,” said Daryn Parker, VP, CamSoda.
Alright, I get that point because I’ve actually turned into a dusty skeleton watching certain never-ending games. But what else does VP Parker have to say?
“This is especially true for female fans, many of who are forced to watch as their diehard husband cheers on his favorite team. To provide an immersive and tantalizing experience unlike anything before, we’re introducing ‘SeriesCast.’ Now, females who are watching a baseball game can synch their Lush toy to the action on the field and legitimately enjoy the game – sexually. We’re putting an entirely new meaning to being taken out to the ball game. Make sure you root, root, root for the home team.”
WHAT?! “This is especially true for female fans, many of who are forced to watch as their diehard husband cheers on his favorite team.” ?!?!?!?!?! UH. NO, DILDO COMPANY. NAH-UH.
Parker couldn’t just leave it at a fun way to get off.. she had to take the stereotype of a bored woman stuck watching the game with some sports hardo dude. It’s 2019! Times have changed!
I’m going out on a limb to say it’s not ‘especially true for female fans’. Sure maybe some, but there’s guys out there in the same boat who could care less, too. Can’t believe I even have to say this but we’re just as into it as the guys are, because oddly enough we’re also capable of understanding & loving sports and going hard for our teams, too.
So that being said, I am disappointed in the continuance of that tired narrative and thus, can’t support it. I Will NOT Be Plugging My Vagina Into The World Series Action With This ‘SeriesCast’ Vibrator this season and furthermore and what’s-now hey are you still reading because ok ha ha I would just kidding I have no backbone CamSoda if you’re reading this I’ll take 3 and hey I saw you’ve done this for the Super Bowl and Kentucky Derby as well but have you thought about doing one for high speed pro ping pong asking for a friend.
Ladies (& gents; you do you), you using this thing? Again, I will not be, and at times like this it’s key to remember there’s always alternatives at the ball park.