Joe Rogan Will Break Both Of Your Fucking Arms And Leave You To Die

One of my favorite things to do on a lazy Saturday is to wake up, spark a joint, order some delivery, and throw on an episode of The Joe Rogan Experience. It's basically the Stoner Starter Pack, I know, but hey - there's a reason everyone does it. It rules.

So I selected one of his most recent episodes with the hilarious Ari Shaffir...

(also check out Ari's Answer The Internet below)

…and I was having myself a real good time. It's a super chill podcast where they're just talkin comedy, Sober October wrapping up, whether or not Ari could make Holocaust jokes, and a whole lot more fucked up shit. 

All of a sudden, though, Ari asked Joe if he ever wants to strangle anybody, knowing he likely could, and Joe's absolutely fucking savage ass elk-eating caveman instincts kicked in, and he got very real. 

Then, with a dead straight face, he said the following quote…

"It's very nice to know that you could fuck people up. It's very nice to know. It's very nice. Like, if you see some guy, some average-bodied dude who thinks he's a badass 'cause he talks shit, and he's mean, and stupid, and he might take a swing at you…f you see one of those guys, it's very good that you are the one who gets to decide what happens. You know? 

You could teach someone a VERY, VERY severe lesson, and let them know, 'Hey motherfucker, there's people like me out here. I'll break both your arms and leave you here.' 

Just snap 'em both. Crack, crack, good luck! Good luck fuckface! Hope ya don't lose 'em!"

I was legitimately doubled over in laughter as Joe was locked in there. Best part is: that's the unequivocal truth! He's dead serious! You'd have to assume that Joe - as a dude in tremendous shape who's a blackbelt in Tae Kwon Do since he was basically a kid, and a blackbelt under both Jean Jacques Machado and Eddie Bravo in Jiu Jitsu - could probably defeat 95% of the general population in a quick fight/altercation if it came down to it, right? I mean look at the dude… 

That's what makes this all so amazing to me. He'd be like the god damn Equalizer or some shit if need be…but he's also just a goofy comedian who gets stoned and podcasts with his pals. 

How could ya not love the guy?