Shooter McGavin Eats Pieces Of Shit Like You For Breakfast

I'm over here doing final walk throughs on my Thanksgiving spread with my wife, ready to blow my brains out. Is it 5 pounds of Yukon Gold or did we want to go 5 pounds of French Fingerling? Should we commit to Pecan Pie or get weird and throw some variety on menu. What time do we start smoking the small bird? (This is a 2 turkey house.) And is there any reason to mix a Home Run Inn cheese on the appetizer menu? And if we go HRI cheese, should we include a sausage/mush too just to keep the boys happy? Then what about dad's famous coleslaw... 

Point is I got so much shit on my mind right now as a young man and none of it has to do with being as cool as Shooter McGavin perceives himself to be. Like here I am trying to be an honest decent man and host a nice party for my family. And in the process I'm coming to hate myself because I suck at getting older. 

Carl you bald fuck. 

Then there's Shooter McGavin. Lost the green gold jacket 25 years ago and still hasn't gotten over it. Still thinks he can flex his early 90's pro golf success in your girl's face. Still thinks it's okay to be an over the top Creepy Creep McCreeper. 

It's not.

You lost. 

Now get over it.